Day 112-115 of Singledom

Wow, what hasn't happened since I last wrote. Let's see, I had a mini happy hour party at one of my favorite bars and The Exes sister and a couple friends showed up, then Beer Pong Guy showed up. Thankfully he isn't big on PDA so no one really knew that we were "lightly hanging out" but they were all watching for a sign of some kind. The Exes sister asked me if I wanted to come to a dinner party the following evening which I accepted the invite but decided to wait til morning and say something had come up. We decided to go to another bar after happy hour ended with 2 other friends of mine and frankly I don't remember much there. I know I was trying to shoot pool and at one point me and another girl were doing shots at the bar, someone handed me a tequila shot and I handed it to my friend because tequila is off limits (whole nother story!) and almost immediately after she took it she projectile vomited across the bar. Yup, time to call it a night. Beer pong guy insisted on making sure I made it home ok in a cab and after telling him we could go to his house I changed my mind last minute and insisted on going to my house, he obliged and paid for my cab home. He is a really nice guy and I have to wonder why I am not ready to go pass the "lightly hanging out" stage but if it happens I guess it won't be the worst. Wow, that sounds terrible, kinda like settling which isn't nice to feel about anyone. The following morning we went to breakfast, again, easy conversation but...not sure if the spark is strong enough. That evening The Ex asked me if I was going to his sisters dinner party, that he would really like me there even though it was basically a family and close friend thing he thought if she invited me I should go. I went, had a great time with everyone, almost like I never left there little clan. Kinda made me sad after because it will never be the way it was before and having it like that, even for one night made me see that him and I are on two totally different places. He might be missing me and wanting the relationship back but I think I am enjoying this singledom a little more than in the beginning. I am free and shining for the moment.

Day 108-111 of Singledom

Crazy how fast things happen when your not paying attention. I landed the job I was vying for, pause for applaud, thank you thank you. It is going to make these next couple weeks at my present job the longest ever. I celebrated with The Ex at an Italian restaurant while romantically watching the Hawks game and having to repeat every other sentence because he wasn't listening. Ahhh, brings me back to when we were dating. Then we played a couple rounds of cornhole and of course I didn't win, just like my Hawks. The following day I had off and I did all my paperwork for new job, went for a run and then another friend of mine came over with a bottle of wine to celebrate me finally being able to leave my current job, which I do love just the company is atrocious. Beer pong guy had asked me to go to his softball game, almost didn't go, thought it was too much of a girlfriend thing to do and didn't want him getting the wrong idea but my buddy convinced me it would be fun and since we were going to dinner after we might as well save time by already being there. So I off I go. And guess what? It's totally a girlfriend thing to do. Everyone's wives or girlfriends were there, I was the only "friend". After numerous, How did you meet? and How long have you known each other? we finally got out of there to stop at his place so he could change for dinner. The apartment is gorgeous, huge and he has 3 other roommates, which he hates so he is moving out in the next couple weeks with another friend of his so it's not such a frat house. His room was the normal messy guy room, shoes, belts and underwear everywhere. Pictures of his family all over, kinda cute. Dinner was unbelievable. We went to my favorite BBQ place, Fat Willy's and when we sat down he asked me what kind of wine I liked, got a bottle and then ordered my favorite appetizer, corn fritters and then ribs. Conversation was really good, flowed nicely, he did unnerve me quite often by staring straight into my eyes often and doing the entwined hands thing like he is really taking in what your saying, made me a little nervous but overall was a great time. Afterwards he dropped me off and we made plans for Friday. That date could have only been made more all American with some beer. Not really feeling the butterflies but I am slightly excited to see him again, I have coined the phrase that sums up all my dating into "Lightly Hanging Out". Yup for now I like that.

Day 107 of Singledom

Chill sunday. Gotta love those. I usually work but was lazy and relaxed all day. Cleaned out my closet again, I can't believe how many clothes I have accumulated and I still want/need more. There is a fine line between what you need and what you want. Beer Pong Guy called me pretty late in the evening and said that he had gotten in earlier but passed out and wanted to know if we could meet for dinner another night. No problem. The Ex called and said he was back but going to watch the game with his dad could he come by later to bring me my souvenir. Umm. Yes. I like presents. Today is going to be the longest day ever, waiting to hear back from a hospital I interviewed at last week and keeping my fingers crossed that they chose me for the position. If not I have a backup plan but really hoping I wowed them at the interview. I hope they call early, either way, so I don't have to keep looking at my phone wondering if it's still working since it hasn't rung yet. Ugh, this is worse than when I was 14 and in love and waiting for him to call me. All I need now to top it off is a pimple!

Day 106 of Singledom

Last minute last night I decide to go out with one of my best guy friends and his buddy. We ended up at this bar that had about 4 women (including me) and about 50 guys. After the 3rd Madonna song and watching this really cute guy give my friend the up and down I realized it was gay night. When both my guys realized it about an hour later, because you know I didn't say anything just let them sit there and wonder where all the women were, they were jumping out of there seats! We head to the next bar down the street and after a couple shots there they decide they want hot dogs. My question is, where do the guy in the stand pee? It's cold and he's out there late, where does he pee? And where does he wash his hands? No hot dog for me! We got to the 3rd and last bar and grab a corner of a table and while I am dancing to myself this guy I went on a couple of dates 2yrs ago pops up. I can't remember his name but I do remember that he was a shithead. I kicked him out of a Christmas party we had at my place because he was obnoxious enough to think that he was spending the night at my house and then when I advised him he was not he then tried hitting on my passed out drunk friend. Yes. I said passed out. I flipped. She was sleeping in my room and I saw him walk in. His story was to "check on her". I call bullshit. Any guy that would do that is a piece of shit. So I made a scene and had him thrown out about 3 big cop friends of mine and he went running down the street. This guy even had the nerve to call me the following day apologizing and saying that it was a misunderstanding, he wasn't that type of guy. Funny part was my girlfriend said she partially remembers him going into the room and and thought what the hell but then heard me yelling and was like "it's ok, she has it covered" and went back to sleep. After all this I can't believe the guy would even speak to me. I did my best not to yell PERV! But was semi-cordial and did the shoulder move when he tried to hug me hello. This club/bar makes me not liking being single at all. Kinda looking forward to Beer Pong Guy coming back. And even The Ex a little, weird but having these non-relationships make it a lot less scary out there.

Day 104-105

Hating your job and having to wake up to it every morning is stressful. I know everyone feels this way at some point but this is just getting ridiculous. They cut our hours, take away our raises and don't seem to care that we have rent that needs to be paid. I am doing the paycheck to paycheck thing because there is no way to get ahead with this company. I have applied for hospital positions and think the interview went well so keeping my fingers crossed. I had coffee with the Angry Cop yesterday and he is still pretty much the same as I remember him, all looks no substance. In the evening went to see a movie at the Latino Film Festival with The Stalker, he was on his best behavior and we ended up having a great time. As long as he understands we are strictly friends at that is all we will ever be we have a great time. Tonight my girlfriends are getting together to go dancing. I haven't decided what I am doing yet but might stay in. I work late and work semi-early tomorrow. Hopefully today goes fast since I am working with this chauvinistic pig today. You can pick your friends but unfortunately not always your partners.

Day 103 of Singledom

It's so weird how the roaches come out of the woodwork. I took a coworker up on the idea of going to a Cubs game yesterday and for a buffer I brought one of my really good buddies who I have been friends with since I moved to this state. I had a feeling my coworker was a little disappointed to have another guy with so glad I did it because I am in no way interested in him. The game was great, we won thankfully or I might have had to beat up a Brewers fan on the way out, and I limited myself to two drinks while both guys proceeded to get smashed. Afterwords we went to Red Ivy which is an ok bar, met with some people and ate some food which the guys wanted no part in just more beer. By now both guys are drunk and I shove the coworker off in a cab and drove my buddies car back to his place which happens to be really close to mine so I was going to just walk home. In the car my buddy was texing his brother, now there is alot of history with his brother and I. We casually dated for 8months and I kinda blew him off for The Ex, to make the situation even stickier was that he was my landlord and lived in the same building as me so he knew the minute I was seeing someone else and would try causing issues between us. We will call him the Angry Cop. He was a really fun guy but that's about it. Someone you could party with and have a good time but not anything serious. Well, he shows up at my buddies as I am dropping him off and insists on giving me a lift home. My weakness is gorgeous men, they don't have to be all that smart but they can't be douchebags, just gorgeous and well meaning and I melt. He tells me he is recently single and was hoping maybe we could grab a coffee in morning. I told him no, I have to work maybe another day. Haven't decided if I really want to reopen that can of worms.

Day 102 of Singledom

Yesterday was the best. Easy calls, no foul smelling patients or nursing homes, got off work on time, an oddity in the EMS world. Halfway home The Ex wants to know if he can give me a ride, I tell him I am already walking but it he would like to pick me up that's fine. He made up some excuse about leaving his phone charger at my house, which I know he didn't, and wanted to check since he was leaving for fishing trip in couple hours. Amazingly enough it was not there and then he asked if I wanted to go for a bite to eat. We went to have appetizers and part way through he asked if I would miss him this week. The more I try to sit back and look from the outside in the more I realize how counterproductive our non-relationship is. When I get home I am talking to Beer Pong Guy about our plans for the evening and he is still packing for his trip and asked if he could just swing by for a quick coffee and then head out. I was ok with that since kinda worn out from seeing The Ex so we had coffee on my front porch and talked and when he gets back in town we will go for dinner. This is going to be a quiet week, I hope...

Day 100-101 of Singledom

Golfing is way more fun to do than to watch on TV. My buddy took me golfing by the lake and not only was it way harder than I thought but there were an unbelievable amount of eye candy. I couldn't believe how many good looking men played golf. I have to tell you, I am definitely not Tiger Woods but I will be hitting the range more often now that I see it's a buffet of gorgeous men. We commenced drinking and golfing till pretty late and hit a nearby bar and grill for some refuge. After realizing that we were both too tired to continue drinking I called it an early Sat and hit the hay. The Ex texed me around 1am to say goodnight but I managed to ignore it and continue sleeping.

Sunday was my lazy day, did things around the house in the morning and then went to Beer Pong Guys place. He's very clean and the place was pretty nice, kinda frat boy meets man. His roommates are awesome and we hung out and watched The Tudors. I have been dying to get up to date on last season and he rented it for us. I am starting to like him more and more. He is leaving out of town in a couple days but we are going to try doing dinner beforehand. When I got in it was around 8pm and The Ex was texing me asking if I wanted to do dinner. Told him I already ate and was jumping in shower, maybe another night. He reminded me that he was leaving on a fishing trip Tues and wanted to see me as much as he could before he went. When I asked why he didn't respond only to ask if he could bring a movie over and hang out. Finally I said sure and when he got to my house the first thing he asked me was if I had been on a date. The look he gave me and the nervous laugh didn't make me want to hurt his feelings like before just made me sad. So I said no. Why do we lie? We all do it at one point or another. Semi-Honest people do it to not harm the people we care about.

Day 99 of Singledom

Friday morning was all errands and cleaning, then preparing chili to be made in my crockpot. This crockpot thing is the greatest invention ever. I can't help myself but check it every hour if I am home but man does everything turn out so good and we usually have leftovers. Friday night turned into a shit show. My buddy came by around 3 and we went to The Pint to have a cocktail prior to our all you can drink festivity at 6. I should have known it was all downhill from there. At the next bar we had drink after drink after drink. I wasn't drinking beer so I was better pacing myself then most of them and I was the only one eating as well. Another good friend of mine brought out his ex. What is it with people and their exes? There are a million people in this world and we still dwell on the past. This girl isn't mean to him, she's pretty and sweet but she is a druggie, supposedly better now but when she kept disappearing for 20-30min and wasn't in the bathroom he was looking worried and pissed. But what can you say? Anyone from the outside can have an opinion but in the end it really isn't our business. We moved on to the second place to watch another one of my buddies bands play. Interesting. Not what I imagined but it was ok, the place was a dive and the sound was a little off but I like going to functions to support my friends when they need. I have officially become a groupie. The bassist is gorgeous and I met him the weekend prior and thought so too, I guess, we started talking and he was telling me how much he was looking forward to seeing me and I was like oh really? Did we talk before? haha Guessed from the look on his face he was the mystery guy that I made out with and ditched his number. Oops. He gave me a CD with his number written on the top. I might call him but he is a smoker and that is pretty much a deal breaker for me. But he is gorgeous so maybe... The Ex called a couple times but I didn't answer and then he texed asking me if I was out and just responded yes. My friend, who is not really a close friend just a girl I know from work asked if it was The Ex. Then she went on to say that I should just stop seeing him he doesn't deserve me and I should cold shoulder him till I am ready to be just friends and he will either beg for me back or move on himself. Funny thing is I think she is right. I don't want him back. I am having so much fun now but a little part of me isn't ready to fully let go. I wonder why, I wonder why we all do that. The end of the night ended up with everyone sloppy except for me, I had slowed down at the second bar and started drinking water. Creepsters were in full blast there and I was shocked when one of The Exes friends showed up at the bar and was trying to hit on my, very awkward so I just walked away. I think people try to do crap like that when they are drinking so they can pretend they have no morals and blame it on the booze. Ridiculous, I prefer to own up to all my immoral choices.

Day 98 of Singledom

Long long day at work. Did my 4miles early, extremely proud of myself, didn't stretch so bitched about it all day. Dispatchers ran us unto the ground with call after call after call. By the end of my shift I felt like a popsicle that was melting. No use to anyone and just a general mess. The Ex offered to pick me up which I immediately took him up on the offer. We came back to my place and watched Broken Embraces with Penelope Cruz, what a beautiful movie, so sad and ironic and meaningful. Maybe I was just full of wine and food but it was really pretty. I love Penelope, she is gorgeous, sexy and such a great actress, she seems truly happy whenever they catch her out on her own. Today I am going to hang out with a bunch of coworkers and hopefully Beer Pong Guy will show. Kinda got that little tingle of excitement to see someone and that hasn't happened in awhile so...needless to say it's exciting!

Day 97 of Singledom

I was a busy girl yesterday. Had the day off so started out by putting my new crock pot to use, supposed to be easy instead it was like a bomb went off in my kitchen, mixed with flour and carrots. The end result was so worth it, just know now to wear a full body apron when preparing food. The Ex came by with movies and takeout for our rainy day together. Wish we didn't get along as well as we do because when it comes to an end I am really going to miss him. We watched Brothers which was fantastic and pretty heartbreaking but in a good way. Then Couples Retreat. Umm kinda stale and some parts were funny but not laugh out loud, just a chuckle. He wanted to leave early but then last minute asked if I wanted him to hang out for dinner. No. I had plans and for the evening, wasn't trying to rub it in but also am not hiding anything. He asked if I was free tonight I said sure, we can watch another movie. After he left I cleaned up and then Beer Pong Guy came by and we watched the baseball game. I was a little worried that I was judging him to quickly so I felt like one more chance to see if I really could like him and surprise surprise, I did. He isn't a big drinker like I thought and barely reminds me of one of my exes like I thought before. Conversation was easy and he is really cute. I think I might be a bigger drinker than him and I definitely have a worse potty mouth but it didn't seem to bother him since he wants to go out for dinner Sat night so I am actually looking forward to it. Friday night I am hanging out with coworkers and invited him, kinda hoping he will show, I am a little more interested in him now that we got to hang out more on a one on one. This has the making of being a great weekend!

Day 94-96 of Singledom

I am the queen of avoidance. I know this and it is an art form I have mastered. When I don't want to discuss something I can maneuver the conversation. Now I only do this when it puts me in an awkward situation to hurt someone's feelings. I never mean to no matter how blunt I can be. I have been hanging out with one of my partners alot. He is super cool and funny as hell but I am not interested in him in any way. I have had this happen in the past with partners and know when they start thinking that since we are friends and have alot in common we should see if there is anything more to it. I like having guy friends but hate when it starts getting weird. My partners in the past have usually been men and The Ex always was right when he thought they had a little more feelings for me than usual. I would play it off like I didn't know but come on, you always know. Then I would distance myself from the person. Sucks because as much as I know I need to do this with him, we will call him Little Guy, I have a blast hanging out with him but need him to understand that I am not attracted what-so-ever. Friday night when we go out I will need to bring a makeout buddy so he hopefully will get the hint without the awkward conversation of "let's just be friends". Beer Pong Guy is always available and even though I am not sure I like as anything more than a drinking buddy I am going to invite him. I just wish guys could just be friends and not mess it up.

Day 93 of Singledom

Fridays was a perfect day so I took George to the dog beach and let him tire himself out. Funny enough he was more interested in sitting on random peoples laps then playing with the dogs. After I intended to take a much needed nap but started cleaning and messing around on computer until I realized it was time to start getting ready for my friends graduation party. This is the party that The Ex wanted to go together then changed his mind and at 8:30, 30minutes prior to party he calls me and wants to know if I was still going and if I found someone to take because he was thinking of showing up and could give me a ride. Asshole. Wait till the last minute so you can be nosy and see if I am bringing someone. Told him was going with friends and would appreciate it if he didn't show up but it's up to him just trying to go out and enjoy my night. Thankfully he said he wouldn't come. The rest of the night was a blur...as most nights with all your can drink we definitely took advantage. There were a couple cute prospects as well as a couple terrible ones. Married men seem to think they are irresistible, not sure why but I would rather date a girl than a married man. I met a guy in a band who was extremely attractive which means he is a he-ho. Then I got totally winged manned. If you don't know what this is it's were a person (girl in this case) finds a girl for her friend, befriends them, usually in the bathroom (normally it's "cute shoes, blah blah, meet my friend") and then ditches you with her guy friend. Well this guy happened to be adorable so it worked. Slight problem though, I got 3 different numbers that night and can't remember what his name was...How awkward a start to a convo would it be if I said "Excuse me, are you the cute guy with the female friend that introduced us? Oh, your not? Sorry wrong number." It's worth a try.

Day 92 of Singledom

Concerts are the best for me, like an aphrodisiac. They get the blood flowing and it's exciting to be in the same room as the band you youtube or download and rock out with. The two opening bands were terrible and had me checking my ears to make sure they weren't bleeding. The Ex and I went together and for the first hour everything went ok then another non-couple showed up. My girlfriend and her ex had broken up about 2months ago and they are not as friendly as The Ex and myself so it was funny and semi awkward. The Ex kept holding my hand or putting his arm around me, it was nice and I am not looking at it as anything more than a fun time but it's hard to keep pretending like we are together when we are not and everytime I try and keep my distance it's like some weird force that pushes us back together. Tonight I haven't decided if I am laying low or hitting a party. I know there will be alot of single guys at this party and part of me wants to go but the other part is just tired. We will see later what part wins!

Day 91 of Singledom

April fools. What a horrifically lovely day to screw with people you love. You either prank or lie to them yet it is ok on this one day, gotta love it. I am up so early trying to think of pranks to pull on everyone I will see during this 24hr period and even the ones I won't I can call and hopefully say something that will make me laugh all day. Last night I had a date with Beer Pong Guy. Actually we had one planned but he had been sick for last week and last minute he called and asked if we could reschedule, that he still wasn't feeling one hundred percent. Like clockwork the minute I hang up with him The Ex calls. I just don't get it. It's almost as if he has some sort of intuition. He was riding around on his motorcycle, which I love bikes, and wanted to know if I was free for a movie and dinner. Twist my arm. We went for Thai, one of my favorites and had a delicious bottle of wine, then over to blockbuster to rent Moon. If you haven't seen it, please go rent it, so great and underrated, I won't even spoil it and give away any parts just rent it. As we are walking in his house his mother come from his apartment. Always weird and awkward to see any of his family after the breakup. She asks him if he was drinking and riding his bike (he was) and of course he lies (he is young) then he gets snotty and says anything else you wanna know? He is making no attempt to hide that we are still hanging out but when his family gets slightly nosy he gets his feathers ruffled. Silly if you ask me but I won't say mum since most of my friends don't know that we are still doing this non-couple dance. Tonight is a Spoon concert and we are going together so I have all day to think of a prank that will shock and awe. Man I love April Fools.

Day 90 of Singledom

You ever have one of those days that you are so tired you could literally sleep all day. It's like your body is requiring massive amounts of sleep to rejuvenate you? That was yesterday. Unfortunately for me I had to work so my massive amounts of sleep came in little short bursts of catnaps in the rig before and after each call. Doesn't really help just makes you feel more groggy but once you start you can't stop. Well I am asleep when we get an emergency call for close to were we are holding and when we get there I jump out of the passenger seat only to realize that my feet are asleep. Too late. I go down and roll my ankle. Nice, here we come to save the day and OOPS, medic down. We did the call but got sent home after to rest it. Looks like I have a lemon on my ankle but I must push through it because finally we have gorgeous weather and I have 3days off to get myself into alot of shenanigans. I might be limping but trouble here I come!

Day 89 of Singledom

I think you should quit drinking. I think you should shut the fuck up. HA! Love it! My girlfriend and I went out to Fifty/50 last night and I have to say that place is awesome. I have tried to not like it because everyone that is there is so uptight but the food was outstanding, I had the spinach and asparagus salad with blackened shrimp and the peach summer drink special. So as we proceeded to drink 4 jumbo specials each, they came in awesome cups and everyone knows you need to have a set of 4, they had a shirt on the wall with the Quit Drinking saying and it was played out by stick figures. Laughed my ass off. My girlfriend insisted on buying us both one and now we will be twins next time we hit the town. Little things like that make life so much more fun.

Day 88 of Singledom

This will be the last baby shower I put together ever. I love planning events and getting people together but something about a baby shower is so horrible. After the Ooohs and Ahhhs over diapers some of us decided to go out for a drink. The first bar was one of my favorites Blind Robin. Usually I know the bartender and the people are pretty cool. Not last night. We sat in the upstairs part and the bartender came up to check our id's but when we asked for a drink he just walked away. Hmmm. Maybe we have a waitress? Nope. You have to order at the bar. That's fine but would it have hurt him to say so before we sat there for 10 minutes. Next bar please. On to Tumans, another favorite and I normally know the waitresses. Are we seeing a pattern here? Anyway we get there and the bartender was our waiter and came to the table, funny as hell and we had a great time. Our exchange started off like this; Bartender: So where you been all night? Me: At a baby shower. Bartender: Oh and now you need a drink right? Me: Yup. To celebrate not being pregnant. Bartender: You wanna work on that later?
As thrilling as that sounded I chose not to take him up on the offer.

Day 86-87 of Singledom

Perfect couple coming through! Here we go again pretending that everything is normal when it really isn't. This is getting weirder and weirder. Friday night was a close friends birthday party and The Ex and I decide to go together to the dinner. We went to Wildfire downtown and for the most part it was all couples. Walking in and seeing everyone I haven't seen for awhile was slightly awkward at first because The Ex insisted on holding hands as we came up to them. After the initial weirdness it became like it used to be. That also could have been the shots and drink we did at the bar waiting on our table, but regardless it went smooth from there. Somewhat. I was sitting next to the birthday girl and for the most part engaged in conversation with her but The Ex continued to rub my shoulder, hold my hand under the table or just little things that you do when you are a couple, I could tell the birthday girl was confused since she knows how things stand with us but everyone was just rolling with the punches. After a fabulous and expensive dinner we went to Rock Bottom Lounge for some after dinner drinks. Those turned out to be just as expensive and disappointingly enough when they remodeled the place they neglected to put a bathroom on the first floor. What the hell? Are they looking forward to cleaning up piss from someone who couldn't hold it all the way up 3 flights? I had to time it perfectly, oh wait, I might have to pee in about 5minutes so I should leave now. Brilliant idea folks, not only were they overpriced but they tested my bladder to the point of uncomfortability. Seems to be the theme of the night. Then the fun part came. We leave there and the only single guy decides to take us to Red Head Piano Bar. First of the bouncers looked more like mobsters and you MUST coat check. Secondly there is no piano, there is a guy with a keyboard. Thirdly there are hookers everywhere. They weren't hiding they were in plain sight and last but not least the drinks sucked. I ordered a vodka lemonade and I have no idea what the hell they gave me but after a couple sips I gave up and people watched. Old people and scummy men throughout. I felt so dirty just being in the place and can tell you there is no way I would ever step foot in that bar, brothel, whatever the hell you wanna call it again. The night ended shortly after that with no one finishing there drinks except for the one guy who brought us there. We cabbed it home and other than one snarky comment from The Ex about me liking black guys (not sure where it came from but chose to ignore it since he was drinking and I like to fight with sober people) we had a great night. Reminded me what it was like to be a character in a play. Your there but it's not really you and you might enjoy it but it doesn't last.

Day 85 of Singledom

I have always wondered if dreams are something you should pay attention to, like warnings of what's to come or just your desires and wants of things trapped in your head brought out in a morbid fashion. Last night, and don't worry I am not one of those people who goes on and on analyzing every single part of my dream, I had a terrible dream, something really bad and hurtful and I wonder if it's our subconscious warning us like Dick Tufeld, "Danger Will Robinson, Danger!" Prior to my dream I had a pretty productive day, work as usual but then I decided to walk the 4miles home from work and see how long it would take me, pretty decent out so I figured it was worth a try. I sit on the CTA for an hour why not get some exercise instead. Only took me 10min more and was free. During my walk home an amazingly intellectual man leans out the window and yells "Yo! CUTIE! You wana eat my pickle?" Of course the only logical reply would have been, Only if it's kosher. But alas the car had already passed. He might have been the one. Darn. Later in the evening I decide to meet the Tattoo Guy out for a cocktail at a place down the street. He is so gorgeous and sweet it's hard not to like him and just try watching for the warning signs that are so glaringly blinking red. What to do. I have no clue but am enjoying the view for now.

Day 84 of Singledom

After forcing my dog’s little legs to the point of exhaustion last night on a 2 mile run I took a much needed shower and stupidly forgot to stretch. I am sure I will pay for it today. The Ex came by and we watched New York, I Love You and dined on Mexican with a great bottle of Madrid Sangria. The movie was really strange, no point and many different stories that felt rushed and unfinished. It’s funny though how The Ex had asked earlier if he could come by, I said yes and then Tattoo Guy calls and wants to know if we can do dinner again. I like him, really do but not sure if he is ready to date someone seriously or if he is just one of those guys that pops up occasionally. I guess I should figure out what I am looking for first before expecting someone else to tell me what they want but I just told him it was late and I need to get some sleep. Maybe another time. If he is persistent then I will definitely try another dinner with him, just too make sure his issues aren’t too much baggage for me to carry. Cause hey, everyone has some, definitely me included.

Day 83 of Singledom

Very relaxed evening yesterday, got out of work on time for once. The Ex let me use his car to get home and drive myself to work in the morning since he was working at 24hr shift. Guess we have a truce going for the time being. Took George for a run, he is too funny when he sees other dogs, he MUST play with them. He is the best dog in the world if I haven't already told you. Gearing up for another busy weekend so don't plan on doing anything to exciting this week, catch a Hawks game and try catching up on sleep. Beer Pong Guy called and wants to know if I will be free for dinner Thursday but I told him I would let him know. Hate that I am so unsure about dates but just not as into it as I was in beginning. Maybe I am starting to just enjoy my time alone or with friends more. Maybe The Ex is still confusing things. Maybe I will just have to wait it out and see.

Day 82 of Singledom

This whole weekend was so busy, parents, parties and dress shopping with girlfriends. It always amazes me how a dress shop can charge a ridiculous amount for a little black dress that looks the same as any other LBD you find in a department store. But once you slap that name brand tag on it is suddenly "chic" and "must have" that people are willing to shell out 3 times what it's worth. I look at things in order of how long I have to work to buy things. Example; said dress costs 200 dollars. That is almost 24hrs of work, or a TV is 1600 dollars, that makes me want to keep my sad little TV and hit up a department store for a half day of work dress. But, there is one exception, that would be shoes. Those will easily be bought without thinking of the work angle, shoes make me smile and make the whole world seem brighter in a lil box.
Yesterday after dress shopping another friend of mine came by to "shop" in my closet. I have alot of clothes and need to thin out my closet so I have a mini shopping spree for my friends when it's time to get rid of the old. Select few get the pre-sale. We opened a bottle of wine and began the thinning. Afterwards we went to a favorite pizza spot, Piece, and devoured a medium chicken, garlic and mushroom pizza. During the walk home The Ex calls and wants to know if he can come over and watch a movie. Of course I am planning on sticking to my resolve of purging him from my life like I did the clothes earlier so I say no. Good girl right? Wrong, he was passing by us as we were walking and had movies and snacks and looked so sad and dejected and texted me again saying he really wants to see me that I caved. Ugh. I am a caver. Backbone is gone with this kid for some reason but everyday is a new day and I am not thinking about tomorrow. Not yet anyway.

Day 81 of Singledom

Holy Blackout. I am assuming I had a great time last night. Drank alot of car bombs, drowned my pissed off attitude towards The Ex in Jameson. So I ended up bringing some Arm Candy, cute, young, great body but not much going on upstairs which is fine because he required no conversation. When we get there the look on people's face was worth it. They were shocked that not only did I not bring The Ex but I brought a hotter taller version of him. Petty on my part to want to do that? Yes. But I am ok with that. The fact that The Ex called me at 2:30 and then again at 3:30, ya know, just to make sure I made it home ok was kinda funny too. Now I will have to see if I can locate my purse!

Day 80 of Singledom

Bullshit. I hate bullshit. I wish people could just be honest and say what they mean and mean what they say. Tiptoeing around shit never got anyone anywhere. The tactful way to hurt someone's feelings? There isn't one. Just fucking do it. I made the mistake of talking to The Ex and offering a compromise. We have 2 mutual friends parties coming up, I was inviting to both, he was invited to only one. In order to keep the peace we will go to them together, not as a couple, as the non-couple bullshit I wanted to avoid. My mistake. Tonight is the first party and The Ex wants me to wait until he is done playing PRACTICE hockey at 11:30, not even a real game, so we can go together. No. Why would you say you wanted to go in the first place when you planned on being so late that there is no point in even showing up. Then you are so selfish that you refuse to not go to practice because you need to workout since you drank too much the night before. Get over yourself. I will bring someone else and you figure your own shit out for the next party because I am not going with you. All the crap that I have dealt with in the last couple of months is starting to make me more and more pissed. I can't deal with other people's bullshit and still manage mine. I have found another date to bring to my friends party and don't feel bad one bit. Hope The Exes stick get rammed up his ass tonight. Yup. That is how I really feel.

Day 76-79 of Singledom

St Paddy's Day week is always a blur, you rush through work to get to the festivities. We planned an all day drinking fest on Wednesday. There was about 6 of us and the Beer Pong Guy showed up after a couple work meetings. Not sure why but suddenly I do not like him anymore. He's cute and funny but I just don't, maybe it was his suit or the way he drank his whiskey but I just wasn't feeling it. Oh well. The day started at 10am and by 3pm people were dropping like flies, by 6pm it was only me and one other guy. By 1am I was cabbing it home thinking this has to be the longest day ever. I am pretty sure I drank myself sober. Knowing I had an errand to run in the morning was daunting but extremely happy when I turned out not be hungover just really tired. Yesterday I talked to The Ex for a lil bit and he wanted to know if I was ready to be friends yet. Not even a week later. I don't think I can still feel hurt and confused and need a break to get away from the situation of our non-coupleness. It's hard because I know we both find ourselves texting or calling a couple times a day to share something stupid. Hoping that by keeping busy I won't want to but seems to make me want to even more cause then I have alot more to share. Never ending cycles are so hard to break.

Day 74 & 75 of Singledom

You know when you have to do something but you just don't want to and continue to put it off and pretend like it will get better but you know it won't? That was my non-relationship with The Ex. I knew it had to come to an end but it's so hard to actually do it. We went for a run after work and I just got irritated with him, not even sure why but I did and I let loose, called him immature and told him he was selfish and I don't have time to deal with this back and forth non-relationship bullshit and questions of what I did and what he did and I think it's best we don't be friends. It was hard and although I am sad and not the least bit happy losing a really good friend I think in the long run it is for the best. Neither of us can move on if the other person is still lurking in the background. I wish I had a crystal ball to tell me the future cause at the moment the present is sucking pretty badly.

Day 73 of Singledom

Isn't it funny when a certain group of people have a bad reputation? Don't you wonder where it comes from? Let's say firemen for instance. Now they are known as womanizer, egotistical meat heads who chest pump to their favorite song when in a group. And that is actually pretty true. I went day drinking Saturday. One of my friends that came along is a fireman, all of his friends are of course firemen and even tho they all come in different shapes and sizes they are to a tee what I just described. You can just sit back and watch the show when they are around. The girls flock to them and the smart ones run when the obnoxiousness comes out, the semi-retarded ones stay and try to catch their eye and maybe get laid in the bathroom. We hit a bar where one of my buddies works and all drinks are $2 for me, so after about 4 of those I went outside and hailed a cab leaving everyone to continue their debauchery. I got around 20 calls from friends asking where I was and if I left which thankfully I did because 2 people ended up in the drunk tank and one of the girls we were with woke up with a broken finger in the morning. I love day drinking. Some people just don't realize it's for during the day only, by evening the sloppiness commences and if your smart you should already be home.

Day 72 of Singledom

My first day off in a long time and I go thrift store shopping, one of my favorite things to do with my mother or my friends. Since my mother is far I took one of my pregnant friends and we had a blast, cheap clothes might be used to someone else but new to you always lightens the spirit. We had lunch at Piece, along with some delicious pink lemonade vodkas and then I went home prepared to do battle with the house and have it sparkling and ready for my breakfast with friends in the morning. But once I got there and started putting away clothes 2 hours were gone before I knew it. The Ex called and wanted to go to a movie later and I didn't feel like going out and partying so we went to see She's Out of His League. Cute, some pretty funny moments that I will be randomly quoting but lil slow at the end. We stopped and grabbed and appetizer and a drink down the street and got to talking about my dating situations. I have told him I was dating but he seems to be under the impression that it was just one guy and wanted to know just how serious I was with this one person. I told him there's more than one guy, i am keeping my options open. For some reason I think that was worse to him and he was silent for the rest of the evening. Life is so funny, half the time you can't please yourself and the other half you can't please anyone. I guess just learning to be selfish is the key. Me, me, me, me, me.

Day 71 of Singledom

Tattoo Guy is out of the running. Gorgeous check, great body check, issues CHECK. I do not do well with issues. We had a nice dinner and during it he kinda told me every flaw he has with women, family and religion. I don't mind people with flaws but maybe you shouldn't put it all out there in beginning. He isn't ready for a relationship I think he is still trying to find himself which is great but I think he fits into the friend category more. sigh.

Day 69 & 70 of Singledom

Two boring days. Saw The Ex for a little while on Tuesday. Talked to Tattoo Guy all day, all evening, hoping we have as good as a connection in person as we do on the phone. Guess I will see, hopefully tonight. Wednesday was the same nothing to exciting just busy getting in trouble at work for the most ridiculous things because I happen to work with a bunch of high schoolers and the company is ran by the Junior High class. I love my job, hate the company. Just hoping everything will fall in place.

Day 68 of Singledom

Had a pretty monotonous day at work. Talked to Tattoo Guy all day. Found out he is a little jaded when it comes to relationships because he had his heart broken before, but then again haven't we all. Oh well, not rushing anything, we are going to try getting together, again this week. Fingers crossed! I decided to go to a movie with The Ex and we saw Alice In Wonderland in 3D, which was great! I love the graphics and costume, highly entertaining. I won't give anything away except to say that it was darker than I even expected but totally worth 30bucks! Afterwards we went to the Green Eye, a little corner bar we had always wanted to go to and had a couple cocktails there. The bartender commented on how cute of a couple we were, awkward. He talked about all this stuff he wants to buy and trips he wants to take almost making me feel like he is showing me how grown he is now and how great his life is now, made me a little sad because I am not part of this new him but I know it's for the better, he is going to be a great man when he grows up, just not my man.

Day 67 of Singledom

Ever wonder how someone just knows something? That gut feeling that you get when something is just not right, lil off kilter. Well, I had a date with Tattoo Guy at 9:30 and had been texting The Ex in the morning, stupid stuff, basically pointless bullshit and suddenly nothing, he stops texting and so I put it out of my mind and start getting ready for my date. At 9:15 my doorbell rings...hmmm who could that be? Not my date, just spoke to him and he was running a little late. I check and guess? Yup. The Ex. Little worse for wear, had a couple cocktails, lost his phone and wanted to see me. (Sound familiar?) I promptly canceled my date, didn't want The Ex driving home and let him stay over. Date night ruined. Now I get the feeling somehow he just knew that I was going somewhere that night and was purposely sabotaging my night. Whatever the case may be I do still care for him and wouldn't just leave him outside or send him home. Tattoo Guy will have to wait...again.

Day 65 & 66 of Singledom

OK, is there a set time that the date from the night before should leave in the morning? Because I think that there should be an unwritten rule that once the light hits the room the guy should hit the street. Friday night I had no expectations. I went to my date with Beer Pong Guy thinking of Tattoo Guy and work the next morning so didn't have high hopes. Interestingly enough we had alot in common and he was extremely funny. Fast forward to my shift getting covered and doing a shot to celebrate, fast forward to 3 bars later and I am a rockstar puking in the cab ride home. Then light. Morning comes and Beer Pong Guy is still there and still pretty damn cute. Can't remember if I really liked him or if the alcohol made me think he was funny as hell. He kinda reminds me of a cop I dated before. All fun no substance. My girlfriend thinks I need to go out with him a couple more times before I write him off since I had a blast it's worth a try, I think she might be right. And if not I will have a great time during his tryout.

Couldn't move for the whole day Saturday, needed an IV but was to lazy to even call a coworker to get one so slept it off. Tonight I am going to see Tattoo Guy and hopefully there is more there than his unbelievably great looks and body. Not sure what I am looking for, but hoping I will know it when I see it. Sometimes I think I am right back to square one when I first started writing this blog, other times I think I am a little bit more jaded than in the beginning because seeing bits of your life reduced to words makes me all the more critical of it. Loneliness is not fun, so I keep busy by getting into trouble, that is way more fun exciting. For now at least.

Day 64 of Singledom

Have you ever went on the best date ever? That usually never happens to me. I normally collect the rejects and losers like they are baseball cards but have been so lucky so far I am scared to say it out loud and jinx myself. I don’t care though, I am on cloud 9. I had the greatest first date ever. We will call him Tattoo Guy. I met him a couple years back at a fashion show and somehow we reconnected and over the last couple days have been texting back and forth and finally he asked me out. Now, two things about Tattoo Guy that could be problematic, 1 is he is only 24. I am not going to say how old I am but lets just say I am NOT 24. Normally I don’t mind the age gap but after being burned from The Ex and knowing what it’s like to fall for someone who doesn’t have their head on right makes me leery. Second issue is that he is semi-friends with The Ex. He went to Jr. High with him and played baseball with him. Long time ago yes but I honestly do want to keep being friends with The Ex and hoping this won’t be an issue, they never hang out or talk now so... So Tattoo Guy is tall, dark and handsome. He is absolutely beautiful and kinda nerdy so not really comfortable with how hot he is which makes him even more endearing. Back to the greatest date ever, he was sweet, funny and listened but also held his own during the conversation. Everything I like in a man and the fact that he is 24 and running a business means that he does have some maturity. I am definitely seeing him again and can’t wait. I feel like I'm 15 with my first crush, silly but I will enjoy this feeling. He asked me out for tonight but alas, I have plans with Beer Pong Guy. I had such a good time that I almost want to cancel plans with Beer Pong Guy but I won’t. Trying to keep my options open and be open-minded and not get to involved in anyone seriously until I am ready. The Ex is a whole other story. I feel like he is trying to insinuate that we should get back together but his pride won’t let him tell me what he is really thinking or feeling. I am not going to worry too much about it though, I don’t have time with my suddenly busy date life!

Day 63 of Singledom

I love hockey. Love men that play hockey and men that watch hockey. I can't wait to find someone who loves hockey as much as me and we can relax on the couch, have some drinks and enjoy the game. Until then I have my friends. We went to a place called Danny's and sipped on three dollar drinks, bought tamales from the tamale guy and watched the game. It was a great night.

After spending all day texting The Ex back and forth about if I was going on a date, if I have a boyfriend, if I meet someone I want to be serious with, that I need to let him know. My response is that I don't think I do since we are not together and we don't want to be together and what difference would it make if I am with someone else? He wants to remain friends then me being single shouldn't be a qualification since he says that he doesn't want to be in a relationship but in a way is trying to keep me out of one. Strange so strange what people do and say. I wish everyone would just say what they mean and mean what they say.

I have decided to go out with the guy from the Beer Olympics, we shall dub him Beer Pong Guy. He is funny and good looking and I am going to have a great time, unless there is something seriously wrong with him which in that case I have set up another date with an unbelievably gorgeous man who looks like the guy off Will & Grace, but not gay. My partner yesterday said something funny and I think I will try it out, said "You gotta get your ducks in order. That way you never eat alone."

Day 62 of Singledom

Love Tuesdays. My partner manages to make me laugh the whole day and we are probably the two worst employees this company could stick together because we are so damn lazy. We are both jaded and want to do as little work as possible on Tuesdays. It's always a great day and usually ends in one or both of us having to write an incident report. Hence the eye-bulging cop from prior stories. This time though we didn't even see him. We were parked in the same area and waiting for him to come up ticket in hand but no, nothing. Slightly disappointed we drove past his crosswalk post and there he was. He gave us a dirty look and stared straight ahead. Could it be that the system does work? When you file a complaint does something actually get done? Or was he running late and didn't have time to get to his post to monitor the kiddies so next week a ticket will be waiting? Whatever the reasoning was we both were a little bit saddened by less excitement than we hoped.

I met a guy at the Beer Olympics couple weeks back and through friends relayed that he would be interested in going out for drinks, if I was free. Not sure how he picked up on it since The Ex and I were pretending to still be together but I thought what the hell? They don't know each other, it's a friend of a friend that The Ex doesn't hang out with so what's the harm? My girlfriend says NO I must tell The Ex so he doesn't find out from someone else, my guy friend says no big deal, go and have fun. This guy is pretty attractive and from the beginning of the Beer Olympics him and The Ex did not get along, maybe the testosterone, they were both very competitive. The Ex knows I have been out on dates but not sure if this one qualifies for to close to home...what do you guys think?

Day 61 of Singledom

After trying to sleep most of the morning and not being able to I took George for a long walk and contemplated cleaning. Once I realized I had no desire to clean I watched Frank the Entertainer for an hour (gotta love that fake reality tv) and started to get ready for a gallery opening that evening.

The show was phenomenal and the artwork was great. I have always wished I had some sort of talent that transformed itself on paper the way these artists do. Somehow all artistic talent bypassed me. I can only express myself in the form of writing. After the show I went out to Cafe Bolero with some friends, the atmosphere is romantic but the loud and boisterous Puerto Rican owner/waiter threw us all off a bit. He did not fit into his theme with his obnoxious white see through shirt and tight jeans. All in all though it was a good dinner, tapas is more than enough for one person and although I felt the sangria was way to strong I would definitely go again. Evening rolls around and tex The Ex that I am home and finally have my phone. He said he was just staying in for the night but wanted to give me a ride to work in morning. I like that we can still talk no matter what I hope that we can keep the communication going. Time will tell I guess.

Day 60 of Singledom

Normally when you drink you worry about driving and texting the exes and silly things like that. Not me. When I drink I like to walk. Nowhere special and to no place in particular, just walk. So yesterday I went to Durkin's and we drank, played card games and I don't remember very much of the rest of the night. Maybe there was pizza involved at some point. The only reason I think this is because I have heartburn.

Two of my coworkers came out for the hockey game, that was a big disappointment, and The Exes sister was there since we have some of the same friends. It was great hanging out with her, still consider her one of my good friends even after what happened with her brother. The rest of the evening was a blur. Not remembering everything is not all that fun and waiting for people to fill you in is torture. Not to mention I left my phone in someone's car and now have to wait for them to bring it to me later.

Back to the walking while drunk, somehow I convinced myself I left my phone on the train and needed to go and retrieve it. Not sure what train I was thinking of since I walked in the wrong direction and ended up by a CVS were a couple was smoking outside and used there phone to dial the only number I did know, which unfortunately happens to be The Ex. Thankfully he didn't answer and I commenced walking this time back home. Suddenly The Ex pulls up, he called the number back and they said I just used there phone and told him which direction I was walking. Oh the best part of this story is that this all occurred around 8pm. Moral of the story is not to stop drinking so heavily but to take your shoes off immediately when you walk in door so you don't try to drunkenly walk anywhere. Yup.

Day 59 of Singledom

The higher these numbers get the more disheartening it is. I might just take my mom's advice on applying for the Bachelorette! Seriously though it is nice to have everything on your own time just but I really like the whole coupledom in a nutshell. Someone who cares about you and wants to know how you are doing and wants to do things with you.

Yesterday we took a 20yr old to a creepy mental facility, her crime was getting to drunk and telling her brother that she wanted to kill herself because her boyfriend was cheating on her with a friend. Thank goodness I never had siblings to rat me out. She didn't fall into the category of what we usually take and maybe there was something there that I didn't see but what I did see was a little girl who made a verbal mistake and was scared as shit going in there. Sucks. Once you utter those 5 little words "I want to kill myself" you no longer have a choice you are going in for observation. I guess better safe then sorry. But please don't say it unless you mean it, and actually the people who usually want to do it won't tell anyone, they just do it. Our minds are such a mystery. I could never understand how people could do something like that because I feel there is nothing that will ever break me to that point, but everyone's mentality is different.

I was so tired when I came home my plan was to hit the sack when I walked in. Which I did do. Then I started getting the calls and texes to go out, this bar or that bar. Damn I forgot that single people go out all the damn time! By 10pm I finally gave in, glammed up and went out with one of my ultra fabulous girls who must have a VIP pass implanted in her ass because everywhere we went she cut the line and got us in. I am not complaining. I had fun at the first club but by the 3rd my age started catching up with me... and my feet were throbbing, my thighs were burning even my bra was pissing me off. Not a fun combination. I managed to stay ultra sober, purely because it's easier to fight off the club douchebags with all your senses in play. I wonder why guys think it's attractive to come up to a girl dancing and grind. What's that about? I don't know you and I sure as hell don't want you rubbing whatever you have all over my dress. Overall I came home even more tired but the plus side is that counts as a workout so today I might just be lazy and sit on my couch and watch the Olympic Hockey game. USA USA!

Day 58 of Singledom

Bye Bye Liver. Clever and witty and right on point. I went to a comedy show after work last night with The Ex. It was great, an interactive drinking show that was way better than I was expecting. I love being surprised. The cast was on point with all their characters, my personal favorite being the guy who's girlfriend should not, under no circumstances drink tequila. That would be me. I steer clear, so clear that I don't even wanna smell the stuff, no only does it make me want to puke but I think if I actually drank it I would sprout horns and maybe a third breast... on my ass. Creepy right? Just not a good thing. Trust me. I'm not a lawyer so I am always telling you the truth.

Had a drink after the show and couldn't help noticing all the cute guys at the bar, again thinking that maybe I should not be spending so much time with The Ex. Not really keeping my options open if I am with him a majority of the time I go out because even though we aren't together I would not pick up another guy. That's too low for me... unless I had tequila.

Got me thinking though that maybe the whole spending time out should taper off a bit. I brought this up and it started a huge thing of how I can do whatever I feel is best for me but silly to not see him if we are trying to still remain friends and he understands if this is about another guy. Told him it's not... it's about all the guys that could be and the possibility that I could develop feelings for him again and don't want to. The main thing is that I don't want to get hurt again and he is still the same confused little boy he was 58 days ago. We want different things and we need different people to achieve those goals. It was overall depressing and sad conversation but I am glad we talked about it. We keep having these "We're not getting back together" and "Enjoying your company that's it" conversations but this was a little different. This one made me want to go have that shot of tequila. And damn the consequences.

Day 57 of Singledom

Have you ever gotten so embroiled in a book you couldn't put it down and when you did you could swear you just got done watching an episode of some show because the details were that vivid? Happened to me yesterday. No workout, no food, no cleaning, just ENVY. I read until my hands actually hurt from gripping the book. Made tea and alternated between holding the warm cup and the book. I finished it in less than a day.

Envy is such a great topic, everyone has something another person covets. Human nature. On TV, movies, real life we all want something another person has, just to what extent will we go to get it. Normal, I think we can generalize this, see something they want and try and attain it by setting there own personal goals. The non-normal take at any means which is usually the easiest route and the most harmful to the person who has. And then there is the lazy, the ones who may want something but don't want to put in the effort to achieve in either way.

I was thinking about this last night when I couldn't sleep about how this all relates to relationships, family, friends, girlfriends and boyfriends. The dominate will dominate and the weak follow. The lucky few have wonderful communication and project out loud the things they want and the unlucky... well they end up like me, reading a book for half a day and then equating all their relationships to it.

Since I was so lazy yesterday I have to put in an unbelievable workout today. Yes, cause I want that bikini body all the women on TV have, amongst other things, and I am going to get them.

Day 56 of Singledom

I love going out with people who don't have that filter in their brain that says when shit they say is totally inappropriate and when they need to stop talking. I have this guy friend who provides me with comic relief to a point. Then he just gets nasty and needs to go home, he has a 4 beer minimum. Think we need to change it to 3 because he got way outta hand last night with his over the top comments. He manages to offends every race, gender and probably an animal or two each time we go out. Funny thing though is when no one is around he can actually manage to be a pretty decent person, but that side doesn't normally make an appearance. It is always fun to talk with people and remember all the stupid shit you did and survived.

We went to People's Lounge for Tapas, extremely good and filling with one of the greatest Sangria's I've had in awhile. Then walked over to Salud where I shamelessly flirted with the hot, married bartender. He always serves us there and I have met his wife so it's all good fun and gets him a better tip, he knows what his he's doing. Smart man, using his looks to get the girls drooling and taking that money home to his wife. I need to start looking for a second job, bartending is the logical choice since that is one of my many trades and they are always hiring. It's lonely doing that job and not having anyone to come home to though.

Speaking of which I went to The Ex house last night, of course, cocktails and texing equals what people? Well... always nice to have someone there even if it isn't long term, the key is remembering that.

Day 55 of Singledom

I have been watching so many movies I feel like I should be getting paid for my critic's. I will tell you in advance if you have not seen Gamers then I am about to spoil the ending for you so pass this paragraph. I was highly excited and intrigued for the first hour of the movie. Kinda like Terminator, so much action but you still wanna see where the plot can take it. Well, it could have been better, my expectations were set a little high when I saw all the great actors in it, like John Leguizamo and my personal favorite Michael C. Hall, who I happen to have the hugest crush on and plays a seriously demented character in most of his roles but that makes me love him even more. Pure talent. Well, that didn't save it, fast forward to ending where some random guy says to our main character, "Well played Kable." What? Really? That movie was so cliche with gaming phrases and that was the one they thought was the best ending? I wanted to drop kick the director.

Before my harsh critic of Gamers I was sitting home, relaxing and enjoying the afterglow of working out with a cocktail, smelling the glorious smell of meatloaf cooking when The Ex calls and wants to hang out and watch a movie. Obviously I said sure, it was late but I was wide awake and agreed to meet him in couple hours. He had my favorite beer, which I never drink cause I hate beer but this beer is special, it's Peach, delicious and tastes like champagne. Nice gesture but now I am questioning all his niceties. I don't know why he is trying to see me more or do nice things for me but it has me on edge. Feel like I am spending to much time with him even though we have agreed that we were not getting back together and that when I meet someone else I can just tell him and we will go our separate ways but how am I supposed to meet anyone when hanging out with The Ex? I am enjoying myself so I shouldn't be worried about it but still... So today I have a mission, if only to make myself feel better and get back in the game. There is this gorgeous guy I have been wanting to hit on and unless I am way off base he is interested, so I will suck it up and ask him out. Last time I saw him I was with The Ex so I am assuming he is thinking I am taken and since I am not I should start acting like it, right?

Day 54 of Singledom

I love my psych patients, they always make me laugh. Either by there ridiculous antics that get them in the hospital in the first place or from the things they say when we are picking them up. For example, my patient yesterday tells me that I am a whore. The nurse was my pimp and then asked me if I would marry him. He said he wasn't going anywhere till I said yes. Seeing as this is my first proposal in a long time I had to think, is this what single life has done to me? Contemplating a marriage proposal from a psych patient? Naw. Not that desperate yet.

By the time I got home from work, took george out and made myself a partially undercooked burger I was ready for sleep. The Ex called to see if I was up for a movie and the thought of earlier in the day proposals made this one seem golden so I said yes. We watched Gamers, pretty good so far but I feel asleep halfway thru. Last night I dreamt I was trying on wedding dresses, ironic huh?

Day 53 of Singledom

So how many martini's is too many? I don't know. I lost count. I went to a vintage cocktail party at 3 and took a my go to guy whenever I need a date. Love bringing him places and he knows never to hit on me so it works perfectly. The house the party was at was in Beverly and they are all beautiful. Our host had a great spread with all the trimmings, including pomegranate martini's. Normally I don't partake in the flavored ones because they are too sweet and give you a stomachache and generally never a good idea, but I hadn't tried this brand so I had one. And then another, and another. The bartender was on a mission to get everyone to the point were they were spilling martini's and it worked. You would be sitting there, take a drink and he'd be by your side with the shaker filling you up. All in all it was a great night and I walked away with a beautiful Italian coat for only $20 and a headache that will last me all day.

Day 52 of Singledom

Viva La Mexico! Beer Olympian Kings and Queens here! We didn't actually win anything but I feel it's a personal goal to be able to leave one of those things still remembering what happened that night and not puking. We did kick ass in the costume competition. We went as politically incorrect as you can get. Green Uno Cards, Guadalupe candles, jalapeno air fresheners, sombreros and ponchos. Wholesome fun. There was some other other couples that had good costumes, Turkey showed up as actually Turkeys. South Africa came as diamond smugglers, Congo was Dr. Goodman and a gorilla. USA, wow, USA was gun toting, blatant cheating hicks. Overall it was a great day. Oh yeah, full day. From 12-10. Thankfully I had the bright insight to make Bruschetta, which was a feat itself (FYI those instructions that say Takes 10mins LIE) it turned out really well but had to disarm the fire alarms and will most likely be cleaning the oven for a couple weeks. If you ever attempt this recipe use less Olive Oil then they say, trust me. Blood, sweat and tears went into that dish and was chowed in about 15mins, but it was good, at least by drunk people standards.

It was really a blast and met alot of new people and was kinda strange pretending to be a couple but it's like putting on an old shoe, still fits just semi stiff in the beginning but then you remember either how much you loved it or why you don't wear it often.

Day 51 of Singledom

Long day at work as usual, needed to unwind and relax. Have a Beer Olympics thing to go to in morning, yes, morning. So I got home and took a hot bath, took a call from The Ex asking if I wanted to come by his place, he had gotten movies and something for me. Now I have to say, I am a sucker for presents and since earlier in the day we had already discussed how this was going to be a strictly hanging out, not getting back together type situation I felt comfortable going over. Funny how we have to keep reestablishing what our "Situation" is.

So in the spirit of Beer Olympics the following day he found me an Apple Cider beer that he thought I would like to practice on. I am not a huge beer drinking, as a matter of fact I am not a beer drinker at all. I prefer wine or whiskey. But the cider was good, and we watched Law Abiding Citizen, great movie, until the end. Once again, *Spoiler Alert* if you haven't watched it but I wanted Jamie Foxx to die in the end and Gerard to live to fight bad guys another day. Things are never how we want them, in life and movies.

Day 50 of Singledom

What started out a a slow morning ended in a very cold and very long day. While showering my lights went out. First thought was there must be a power outage. Wrong, just my lights out, Comed came and did me wrong. My bill is paid so once I towel off I have a beef to pick with them. I was running short on time because I have to be perfect with the buses now that CTA has done all these cuts and if I am late for work by 1 minute you get suspended for a day. So while waiting for a Comed agent to call me back I call work and let them know I am running late, would it better to take a sick day or show up late. Funny thing is my job would prefer you have a sick day instead of showing up late. So I suck it up call off and continue to wait for Comed to call. When they do I informed that there was a disconnection because back in Dec. 2008 (when I was not living in the building) the heat/electricity was being ran till May 2009 when I moved in so since there was no name on the bill during that time and it's been over a year they disconnect WITHOUT sending any notices. I would have advised my landlord or paid it myself if I would have received notice. So I pay it, and want to know when they will be back. 1-3 business days. WHAT? It's already getting cold in my apt I have a fridge full of food and how in the hell will I be able to charge my phone, which is my life line, without an outlet? Now the real interesting part comes in if they don't get here by Friday I will have to wait til Monday. All weekend no heat or lights for something not my fault? I tried to do the honey thing, ya know you get more flies with honey than whatever the hell else it was... didn't work.

I call back and ever say "Look I have a newborn baby here, unsafe to live like this", nothing, those people are robots man! So I wrote a complaint and sent that off, I have been filing complaints all week, kinda humorous. I finally got someone of some sort of authority to contact me back and tell me there would be a work order out on Friday. Thank goodness!

My girlfriend comes over with some vodka and we pretend like we are in Russia, drink till your warm. I don't know how they do it but it only made my hands colder and myself hungry and the only thing I could make was salad because everything else had to be cooked and I have an electric stove. Bad idea. Then bright idea number 2, which actually was brilliant was to carry the microwave to the 2nd floor landing which has an outlet and make some food! Bingo! Crisis solved. Kinda like being in a college dorm and you eat popcorn for dinner.

Later that evening The Ex calls to see how I am and I tell him about the plight of the lights and he wants to pick me up so I don't have to sleep in the cold. I agree, I may be all for camping in the woods on a warm night but freezing in my house is not my idea of adventure!

Day 49 of Singledom

Yesterday was just a clusterfuck at work. If ever I needed a drink it was after a day like that. Our ambulance had no heat so we take it in to get it fixed, should be easy right? Wrong. Ends in us running a simple errand for the company that turned into both my partner and I in separate cars running out of gas 20miles from our destination and no gas cards in either vehicle. Pretty comical and outrageous. The even funnier part was when the company expected us to pay out of pocket for gas then submit a bill for repayment, which I know either takes a month or doesn't happen at all. Needless to say for all the little that this company does for us as employees I would rather run out of gas on side of road before putting a dollar of my own money into their tanks.

Once the situation was fixed, they had to send another crew to pay for gas, and errand was completed they gave us a new ambulance to check out. This ambulance was so old there was a layer of filth and dust piled on the cot so thick it took about half a box of Lysol wipes to clean and it still wasn't up to code. Half of the items needed were missing out of it and the stretcher had no straps, was ripped open on one side and the wheels were functioning like when I have one to many shots, wobbly and crooked.

After all this we still get held over a hour after our off time while other crews with later off times are being sent home. I won't complain though because that's extra money in my pocket but sometimes I wonder how dispatch was trained, surely not to be logical and give calls out in a fashion that makes sense, nope, just willy nilly, call here call, it's ok that you are no where near this but at least it's going to be taken care of.

Needless to say I skipped the much needed drink and went straight to bed, some days just never end.

Day 48 of Singledom

Fat Tuesday, gotta love it just an excuse to drink on a Tuesday because some other state likes to party. I worked all day, had another lovely altercation with the same cop from couple weeks ago. This time he throws the siren on and is honking and yelling, mind you the whole time my patient is sitting in the stair shocked that the police officer is acting this way completely unprovoked, again! So end of story I got his car number and filed a complaint regarding his complete lack of regard for the patient that we were trying to safely get into rig. I doubt anything will come of it, it is Chicago after all.

After work I went home relaxed with my dog and contemplated going out for a cocktail with The Ex. After sitting in my house and realizing my only other choices were cleaning up or working out I took him up on his offer. We decided to see a movie, Valentine's Day, which was pretty good but (spoiler alert) I couldn't believe how terrible Julia Roberts looked and was shocked when I Bradley Cooper ended up being gay in the end. Didn't see that one coming! After movie we went to the spot called Revolutionary Brewery to eat. The menu was intricate, I got grilled chicken with arugula and garlic mashed potatoes and honey mustard sauce. Wonderful and wonderful. Followed it up with a couple vodka cranberries and it was a perfect dinner. The Ex wanted me to stay the night but I declined, appreciate the movie and dinner and as always great conversation but nothing has changed. I would have to sneak in and out and I feel that if you have to hide something you shouldn't be doing it.

Day 47 of Singledom

Home sweet home. As much fun as I had and as much as I loved seeing everyone it was only an expensive escape from reality. I guess that’s what all vacations are meant to be. I liked NY the first time I visited, this time I got to see more of the actual living and not just the tourist attractions and I see that I would not want to live there, I love Chicago, it’s my home.

Everything was Kosher out there, even my lollipop! The windows have cages on them and I saw kids playing inside the cages, strange and funny at same time. What the hell do they do if there is a fire? And don’t get me started on the garbage...

The High School Sweetheart wants me to come again, I wouldn’t mind visiting him again, he makes me laugh and remember when I was younger, I just am not sure if there would be an adult relationship there that is worth pursing. I don’t do long distance and I know he is very career orientated at this time so I don’t know if that would work. Time will tell. I’m not rushing anything.

After a horrendous flight through United that left everyone waiting originally an hour but once we got on the plane it was another hour with no air and a crying baby sitting next to me was definitely a downer to a great trip. I was more than ready to get home and sleep in my bed. The Ex picked me up from the airport and gave me a detailed itinerary of what he was up to over the weekend. I think he just wanted me to do the same. It’s weird, at times it feels like we are still together but I know we are not and 99% sure that we will not get back together but the closeness and easiness of being in a semi relationship is almost easier than not being in one at all. Fucked up situations. Maybe one day everything will be easier to sort out. Today just isn’t the day.

Day 46 of Singledom

Valentines Day, you either love it or you hate it. I think I am undecided as of yet. The High School Sweetheart and myself got ditched by everyone else who decided to do their own thing. Kinda expected but even though we are just friends still felt a little pressured to do something special. I decided to make it an easy day, lunch out and then watch bad scary movies at his place. It was so much fun and then for dinner he made mac n cheese and we criticized the Masters of Horror collection on Net Flix. Kinda like old times were we would stay up all night watching movies and that made me remember all the things we had in common. It was really a special night.

The Engineer called to wish me a Happy Valentines Day. Actually his voicemail said "Flash and me" a reference he made quite a few times. I love my dog but I am not going to be leaving voice mails like that, slightly creepy. No return call needed.

The Ex sent me a text later in the day, letting me know he was thinking of me and that he would be there to pick me up from airport. I am excited to go home, this weekend has been fun but my liver is literally crying in a corner somewhere. I'm just not sure if I am excited to see him or just to be back. I have half a day left here and we are all going to hit up some sushi and saki and I am not thinking about anything else. At least till I get to the plane.

Day 45 of Singeldom

We have all recuperated from our alcohol induced haze. Ordered cheeseburgers and slept most of the day away. Reminisced about high school days and how we thought we knew everything back then. Youth is so wasted on the young.

Around 9pm we get ready for round 2 and head to the Fat Black Pussy Cat Club. Seriously, that is the name. It's a 5am club, crowded and loud but still had a good time. Danced so much my legs are hurting and my lower back is throbbing. I am getting old. What a pain.

Sent out texts at 1am to my loved ones wishing them a Happy Valentines, oops, sent one to The Ex, he immediately responded back Happy Valentines and hopes I am having a blast. Ugh. Wish he wasn't so nice. Today has always been a special day and really miss him. Hopefully that feeling only lasts for the day.

Day 44 of Singledom

A blur, just a huge blur. Mixing Sangria, vodka and jack is not a good idea.

Day 43 of Singledom

First night in NY was hard. I am used to Chicago noises but NY noises are different. The apartments aren't as small as I thought but you can literally hear your neighbor's conversation from any room in the place. I know they had sex last night for the 1st time in awhile and were celebrating by making coffee, eggs and think it was hash browns, no meat cause they are vegetarians. TMI.

We chilled a bit last night, mimoso's when I first came in, that's my kind of "Hello NY" and then a couple vodka lemonades, some pizza and bullshitting. The guys I am visiting are so laid back there and remind me of when I was young. It's a nice change from being the responsible bill paying always working person that I have morphed into. Not that I mind. I like working and paying my bills on time. I work alot so I can play alot. I don't save much, which in the long run could be bad but when I see all my patients, old and young dying, I know they aren't thinking about how much money they have in there bank account, they are thinking about all the things they didn't do or didn't say and their loved ones. Yeah, they are always talking about their loved ones, either the ones still there or the ones that have already passed on. I want to be someone who did almost everything I wanted to do and has loved ones that will always remember, and I don't mind if it takes a photo or two to jog the memory. I like that moment were you look at a picture that in an instant you recall exactly what you were doing at that time.

Hey NY, say cheese!

Day 42 of Singledom

Stair chairs are my own personal hell. You have to take someone up x amount of stairs carrying an O2 tank, foley and whatever other personal equipment this patient might need and they are never just a couple steps, usually the more carry on items the more flights you have to go. They are normally steep and slippery from all this wonderful snow that we have acquired in last couple of days. To whomever said "Let it snow" I say burn in hell where there is no snow.

I packed for my trip late, makes me minimize my load. If I pack to early then I have a tendency to add and add till I have an extra bag that I don't need. Then this new rule that the airlines have about checking a bag and paying an additional amount of $25 is ludicrous. I just paid $220 for a ticket and now your telling me that I have to give you more money and I don't even get my shitty little bag of peanuts anymore? No. I will cram as much as I can into my little carry on.

The Ex took me to the airport and is taking care of my lil george while I am gone. He does alot of nice sweet things for me that make me remember how it used to be but in the end I still feel that I would rather preserve the friendship and let the rest just kinda fade... I think. I hate being confused but whatever happens will and I can't predict the future. I just know that I am looking forward to NY and taking as little baggage as possible.

I don’t know which is worse. Watching someone you love slowly die a painful death and not being able to do anything about it or waking up one morning and finding out they are gone. I can’t imagine one would be better than the other. I get to see alot in my job and some days I feel for the family of the loved ones and hope that when my time comes I will have either a ton of people there able to tell me everything they ever wanted or no one there to mourn the moment I am gone and all the stuff they neglected to say.

I hate not saying everything I want and feel at the exact moment, sometimes I do but mostly I reserve myself. I’m not sure why we does this or what makes up think it’s better to keep things bottled up inside but you definitely miss out on alot when you keep your mouth shut. I am working on speaking my mind in a nicer manner, not sure if that will truly work but it’s nice to have a goal.

Last night I went to another movie with The Ex. I know, I know. No apologies, had a really good time. We saw Up In The Air with my husband to be George Clooney, it was better than I expected. Kinda sad though, made you think of what your life would be like all alone. Afterward we went to The Rocking Horse, awesome place, always said we wanted to go there and had these ridiculously yummy portabella fries. Man I love food. They had a picture booth in the back and we got our pictures done because I am a sucker for those booths no matter how much or how crappy the photo’s are I love them. I heard once pictures are for the people who can’t remember the good times. I don’t think so, I think it’s for the people that want to relive them.

Day 40 of Singledom

Mondays always suck. I hate them but yesterday was actually the best monday I have had in awhile. I got to work and had no partner so after an hour they sent me home to which I immediately took George out for a walk, made myself a martini and sat down to watch The Bad Girls Club. This show has me bewildered, they say they want these self proclaimed bad girls to learn life lessons but all the producers do is liquor them up and send them to clubs and allow themselves to make complete asses out of themselves. Great mindless entertainment for us but zero purpose for these girls. I would love to hear what some of them have to say in 15years when they have kids of there own who sees mommy whoring it up.

The Ex called and wanted to know if I was up for a movie and as tempting as another episode of Bad Girls Club was I opted for the movie, we ended up seeing 2 then having dinner. It was actually a great "non-date". He asked me if I missed him and I responded honestly, I do but not as much now. I didn't feel good this time seeing the pain in his face but it can't be helped, this is what he wanted. I will be there as a friend and for companionship like I would with any other friend. We talked about my upcoming trip and Valentines Day and he says he will just be hanging at the house or playing hockey if I want to call and say hi. I will. I try to call and tell everyone I love on Valentines that they are special to me, I cherish my friendships. No matter what form they started in or how they end.

Day 39 of Singledom

Superbowl! Love it, love it, love it! For the first time ever I won in a pool and I didn't get drunk! Not for lack of trying, mind you. Sometimes you just have those days. I went to a really good guy friends house of mine, met a ton of people, ate like I was starving, enjoyed some fantastic wine and talked about Jersey Shore and Mike "The Situation's" abs throughout half time. Good times!

Honestly I only thought about The Ex once throughout the beginning of the game and semi missed him but I am sure I will feel that way on Valentines, my birthday, his birthday etc. Can't be helped, will happen but eventually I hope to have someone else to think about. Right as I am about to fall asleep he texts me telling me how he hopes I had fun and that he is sober and babysitting his best friend. Maybe I want to have coffee in the morning? I thought about not responding but I did anyway and told him I have alot to do, work out and wash my hair. Maybe another time. He just said ok, goodnight and now I feel semi obligated to do both this morning so I am not technically a liar.

Three more days of work and then my mini vacation will begin. I need it, I deserve it and I can't wait for it! I have always loved NY but never went to hang with my friends there so this is a new experience that I am really looking forward to. My high school sweetheart will be there and I have only seen him twice in the last 10years so this is another thing that's pretty exciting for me. He is a good friend of mine and he makes me laugh. I am hoping those moments of thinking of The Ex will fade away while I am gone. I truly would like to leave my heart in NY.

Day 38 of Singledom

Everyday at work I feel like I get more and more disgruntled. I try to keep that part of me that wants to scream at doctors, nurses and patients in check but the more I see the more I get annoyed. First off, when I pick up a patient from the hospital I am either taking him/her home or to a nursing facility, I would assume that someone has been around this patient in the last 2 hours to clear them for take off, right? No. I am constantly walking into a room with a patient who has clearly been sitting in his own piss and or feces for the last couple of hours. I will then contact the nurse and tell them that we will not take the patient till he is cleaned, diapered and on new sheets. Most are annoyed with having to find a CNA or someone else lowly to do the job but there are some other nurses who look ashamed for trying to discharge a patient that way and get in there and do it themselves. Unfortunately there is that 1 out of 10 times that we don't know until we have moved the patient that he/she is soiled and now has contaminated our cot.

As much as that irks me number 1 on my shit list is obese patients. I am not talking about just a little husky, I mean the 300plus club. I am sure I will offend some people but that isn't my intention, just stating my opinion of morbidly obese people who do not have any desire to help themselves the minute they see us but they can walk perfectly fine to the kitchen and make a sandwich or 2 or 3 prior to our arrival. I have had some obese patients who truly are sick and truly can't get up or move themselves, these patients are treated like any other sick patient I have. But there is quite a few that seem to think we are there to cater to them.

Yesterday our patient answered the door with a donut in his hand walking around the apartment looking for his snack bag to take to hospital with him. He wanted to go to hospital because he was short of breath. When we asked him if he could walk down the stairs to our cot he gave us this shocked look and said "I am short of breath, I can't walk around." What?! We had to wait for a lift assist (another crew that comes to help) for this 340lb man and he actually tried to get shitty with me when he found out my partner and myself wouldn't be able to do it alone, "Why can't you do your job by yourselves?" I told him our "JOB" is not to carry him down 2 flights of stairs because we are not working for a moving company. My "JOB" is to render aid to sick and possibly dying to ensure that they arrive to a higher level of care in a timely manner, now if he would like to roll himself down the stairs we could get the party started. Some people just don't appreciate brutal honesty.

Day 37 of Singledom

Where to begin. Well the beginning of the day started normal, ya know Pina Coladas and birthday wishes. Then it went downhill from there. When you get car sick, migraine, and throw up Mexican food (which really doesn't taste good second time around) it's probably a good idea to stay home. But as my lovely readers know that would just be too out of character for me to do the sensible thing. Instead I suck it up and have everyone over for "Girl's Night."

Mind you anytime we say "Girl's Night" there tends to be a crashing of sorts from all of our male friends. One guy told me he would come in a dress and crash the party so we might as well just invite him. As much as the pictures of that would be great fun to laugh over I don't think the bar I was planning on us going to would have allowed him in. We started out simple enough, couple drinks, couple shots, next thing I know one of my friends is puking in the bathroom, the bar and basically anywhere in her projectile path. Amazingly enough we did not get kicked out and we huddled her in the corner to sleep it off while we continued to dance. Now I know your thinking how horrible of friends we are not to have taken her home but I did try to send her back to my place with a secured spot on the bathroom floor but unfortunately one of our other friends was walking in as she was walking out and convinced her ride and her that she was ok to stay. So I was not babysitting and he got full duty for the night over the drunk sick girl. Cleaning his car out this morning I am sure he was wishing he had listened to me.

When I go dancing or to a bar I never purposely look to meet anyone, I'm not interested and if i come with a group I usually hang with just them for the whole night. There were a couple good looking guys but I was more into dancing then anything else. As much fun as I had being single really smacks you in the face at 3:30 when everyone is gone and your all alone.

Of course there was the occasional texts through the day from The Ex and me but no plans have been made and I am feeling good about not seeing him. I will miss him tomorrow, Superbowl was always a big deal for us but I am going to a good friends family party and ready to drink and eat my sorrows away. At least for tomorrow.

Day 36 of Singledom

Some days you love your partners, either at work or at home, and other days...well you just want to cockpunch them.

Yesterday we go into a hospital that I am at quite often and there is a certain security guard that has made it his job to hit on me each and every time we go in. Usually he starts with the "You still got that boyfriend?" To which I ALWAYS reply Yes. Well today when he starts his normal banter I am half listening and my partner pipes in, NOPE, no boyfriend for her anymore. Nice. Now I have a ex-marine-now-security-guard-wanna-be-secret-agent trying to get in my dirty polyester work pants and I am tired and ready for our shift to end so not in the best of moods.

I make these rash judgments on people and never really think twice about it, he could be a really nice guy but in my mind I just figure if you keep hitting on someone who has a boyfriend and you say you don't care that doesn't make you quality to me. Maybe it's persistence but I was to tired to listen to his game and left without giving him my number that he swears I will give to him next time I see him.

Another interesting fact I learned, very uncomfortably at same hospital was that The Ex had never informed one of his partners that we are no longer together, I didn't tell the guy cause he was in the middle of inviting us, as a couple, to a Beer Olympics, which I guess we, as a couple have already rsvp'd to. Interesting. People are funny, and sometimes they deserve cockpunch's.

Day 35 of Singledom

Late last night we got an extremely racist and homophobic psych patient. Every other word out of his mouth was "Faggity" and he informed us that if you are standing within 40ft a gay person and they sneeze you WILL get AIDS. I must have missed that day in school. It was slightly amusing when my partner was trying to help him off the cot and I asked my male partner how his sick boyfriend was doing. I have a morbid sense of humor I know but you have never seen somebody move as fast at that patient!

I had a great chat with a friend of mine about moving on letting go of the past, how all baggage needs to get checked in order to start anew. I love the idea but in theory it is so much easier to just go with the flow for me. I know she is right about alot of the things we talked about and I am sure in retrospect I will be like Damn, why didn't I listen? But you know how that goes, we never listen to the good advice. This is just a prelude into me seeing The Ex last night. We just stayed up talking about everything but "us" and watching music videos, something we used to do in the beginning. No, we are not getting back together, or even trying but as I keep saying it's really hard to break that bond you have with someone.

I am supposed to see The Engineer tonight, but I think I will call and cancel. I work late again and don't feel like I have enough girlfriend time, might watch a movie with a good friend of mine who lives close and obsess about how in the world George Clooney gets better looking every year. I am seriously considering a move to Italy folks.

Day 34 of Singledom

What is it about people's professions that make them want to power trip and take it out on someone in a lower position then them? I guess the saying is true, misery does love company.

Had a small incident with a cop yesterday who didn't like my parking job and proceeded to let me know this WHILE i'm loading a patient in my ambulance. There was more than enough room for him to get through, I could have blocked traffic but I didn't do that I left space for everyone. When I advised the officer of this he got extremely angry and ranted about how a "Smart Alleck" as myself won't tell him nothing and that he can write me a ticket, would I like that? I said "Go Ahead" to which he replied he would also call my company, again I said "That's fine. Ok." I would gladly take a day off work to contest a ticket from an asinine cop power tripping and harassing me while I am attending to a patient. After some more sputtering on his part he left and ironically about a minute later another cop comes down the same street and smiles at us, waves and waits holding traffic so we can get the patient in rig safely. Funny how some people wake up on the wrong side of the bed while others must have had their coffee. I laughed all day about it and love the fact that he will be pissed about the little girl who mouthed off to him while I now have a great story to tell. Thank you angry officer.

Day 33 of Singledom

Fortunately yesterday some kind soul offered to take my crappy shift I picked up so I was free for the whole day. I lounged and slept and lounged some more than at 8am when I couldn't stand laying in bed anymore (I usually get up around 4:50 for work so 8am is alot of sleep for me) I take my dog out and guess who is calling bright and early to see if I am up for hanging out. My Ex. I answer and say ok, lets watch a movie and maybe grab some food. We opt to order take out and watch a comedy and had a really good time. He left before my daughter came home from school and all in all it was a good time.

I realize every other day that I should not be hanging out with him then I realize on the off days that we still enjoy each others company and that it shouldn't be off limits to hang out with someone who makes you laugh and basically is just fun to be around. We never broached the subject of our past relationship so maybe that's the key.

I am looking forward to getting to NY and just not thinking of anything other than enjoying the sights and friends. Unfortunately my best friend can't be there but it's ok, we will have to plan another trip to get together and have a strictly girl's weekend. I have so much to look forward to that I don't have time to look back, I like that feeling.

Day 32 of Singledom

Work hard, play hard. Some days anyway. I had my fill of puppies and for the most part their annoying owners and wanted to do something fun after work. Watched The Invention of Lying which completely cracked me up. Also made me think, could you imagine a place were not only does not one lie but you tell the brutally honest truth with no regard to the other person? I could live there, I would be ecstatically happy to live there. All the bullshit pleasantries gone and down to the nitty gritty reality. Some days might be rough but overall you know where you stand with everyone truthfully. As it is now you have bad days and you never really know what people really think or feel about you and the ones who lie to you the most are usually the ones who are supposed to love you the best. Kinda fucked up ain't it?

Talked to The Engineer and he asked me to take the train to Milwaukee where his house is and have dinner, hang out and he would drive me back in morning. What? Umm, No. Sorry.

After the movie I hung out with a coworker, we had been out in groups before and when he asked if I wanted to grab a drink at this Ale House I have never been to I was up for it. He does a mean Rosie Perez accent and I wanted to keep the laughs going so I went. Funny how you work with someone and you think you know alot about the person then you find out you really didn't know jack and they happen to be super cool and hopefully a really good friend in the future. I like having guy friends, I always try to establish right away that I am not interested in anything romantic and then if they are still wanting to hang out it usually leads to a great friendship. Guys normally don't care who is coming out or where they are going or what activities they do they just want to have fun. I like that carefree mentality.

I also have this guilty pleasure for beer. I don't like it and I don't want to drink it but I love watching other people drink it and I like buying beer for the cool bottles. Another plus with going to ale houses are there are usually manly men there and that is another one of my guilty pleasures. While I am scoping out the hot men and the bar apparently I was being scoped out too. During our 3rd drink and reminiscing about the bullshit our exes put us through a very attractive girl walked up and handed me a napkin, "Call me" she says and walks away. My friend couldn't believe it, he was a stunned as me to see her name, phone number and email address. Wow. Us women have certainly gotten bold. As flattered as I was, and believe me I was because it's not everyday you get to upstage the nice looking guy next to you, I will not be calling her. Completely not interested in women but love the confidence she exuded when she came up to me. I am going to use a little of that for the next ale house I walk into. Watch out beer drinking manly men.