Day 112-115 of Singledom

Wow, what hasn't happened since I last wrote. Let's see, I had a mini happy hour party at one of my favorite bars and The Exes sister and a couple friends showed up, then Beer Pong Guy showed up. Thankfully he isn't big on PDA so no one really knew that we were "lightly hanging out" but they were all watching for a sign of some kind. The Exes sister asked me if I wanted to come to a dinner party the following evening which I accepted the invite but decided to wait til morning and say something had come up. We decided to go to another bar after happy hour ended with 2 other friends of mine and frankly I don't remember much there. I know I was trying to shoot pool and at one point me and another girl were doing shots at the bar, someone handed me a tequila shot and I handed it to my friend because tequila is off limits (whole nother story!) and almost immediately after she took it she projectile vomited across the bar. Yup, time to call it a night. Beer pong guy insisted on making sure I made it home ok in a cab and after telling him we could go to his house I changed my mind last minute and insisted on going to my house, he obliged and paid for my cab home. He is a really nice guy and I have to wonder why I am not ready to go pass the "lightly hanging out" stage but if it happens I guess it won't be the worst. Wow, that sounds terrible, kinda like settling which isn't nice to feel about anyone. The following morning we went to breakfast, again, easy conversation but...not sure if the spark is strong enough. That evening The Ex asked me if I was going to his sisters dinner party, that he would really like me there even though it was basically a family and close friend thing he thought if she invited me I should go. I went, had a great time with everyone, almost like I never left there little clan. Kinda made me sad after because it will never be the way it was before and having it like that, even for one night made me see that him and I are on two totally different places. He might be missing me and wanting the relationship back but I think I am enjoying this singledom a little more than in the beginning. I am free and shining for the moment.

Day 108-111 of Singledom

Crazy how fast things happen when your not paying attention. I landed the job I was vying for, pause for applaud, thank you thank you. It is going to make these next couple weeks at my present job the longest ever. I celebrated with The Ex at an Italian restaurant while romantically watching the Hawks game and having to repeat every other sentence because he wasn't listening. Ahhh, brings me back to when we were dating. Then we played a couple rounds of cornhole and of course I didn't win, just like my Hawks. The following day I had off and I did all my paperwork for new job, went for a run and then another friend of mine came over with a bottle of wine to celebrate me finally being able to leave my current job, which I do love just the company is atrocious. Beer pong guy had asked me to go to his softball game, almost didn't go, thought it was too much of a girlfriend thing to do and didn't want him getting the wrong idea but my buddy convinced me it would be fun and since we were going to dinner after we might as well save time by already being there. So I off I go. And guess what? It's totally a girlfriend thing to do. Everyone's wives or girlfriends were there, I was the only "friend". After numerous, How did you meet? and How long have you known each other? we finally got out of there to stop at his place so he could change for dinner. The apartment is gorgeous, huge and he has 3 other roommates, which he hates so he is moving out in the next couple weeks with another friend of his so it's not such a frat house. His room was the normal messy guy room, shoes, belts and underwear everywhere. Pictures of his family all over, kinda cute. Dinner was unbelievable. We went to my favorite BBQ place, Fat Willy's and when we sat down he asked me what kind of wine I liked, got a bottle and then ordered my favorite appetizer, corn fritters and then ribs. Conversation was really good, flowed nicely, he did unnerve me quite often by staring straight into my eyes often and doing the entwined hands thing like he is really taking in what your saying, made me a little nervous but overall was a great time. Afterwards he dropped me off and we made plans for Friday. That date could have only been made more all American with some beer. Not really feeling the butterflies but I am slightly excited to see him again, I have coined the phrase that sums up all my dating into "Lightly Hanging Out". Yup for now I like that.

Day 107 of Singledom

Chill sunday. Gotta love those. I usually work but was lazy and relaxed all day. Cleaned out my closet again, I can't believe how many clothes I have accumulated and I still want/need more. There is a fine line between what you need and what you want. Beer Pong Guy called me pretty late in the evening and said that he had gotten in earlier but passed out and wanted to know if we could meet for dinner another night. No problem. The Ex called and said he was back but going to watch the game with his dad could he come by later to bring me my souvenir. Umm. Yes. I like presents. Today is going to be the longest day ever, waiting to hear back from a hospital I interviewed at last week and keeping my fingers crossed that they chose me for the position. If not I have a backup plan but really hoping I wowed them at the interview. I hope they call early, either way, so I don't have to keep looking at my phone wondering if it's still working since it hasn't rung yet. Ugh, this is worse than when I was 14 and in love and waiting for him to call me. All I need now to top it off is a pimple!

Day 106 of Singledom

Last minute last night I decide to go out with one of my best guy friends and his buddy. We ended up at this bar that had about 4 women (including me) and about 50 guys. After the 3rd Madonna song and watching this really cute guy give my friend the up and down I realized it was gay night. When both my guys realized it about an hour later, because you know I didn't say anything just let them sit there and wonder where all the women were, they were jumping out of there seats! We head to the next bar down the street and after a couple shots there they decide they want hot dogs. My question is, where do the guy in the stand pee? It's cold and he's out there late, where does he pee? And where does he wash his hands? No hot dog for me! We got to the 3rd and last bar and grab a corner of a table and while I am dancing to myself this guy I went on a couple of dates 2yrs ago pops up. I can't remember his name but I do remember that he was a shithead. I kicked him out of a Christmas party we had at my place because he was obnoxious enough to think that he was spending the night at my house and then when I advised him he was not he then tried hitting on my passed out drunk friend. Yes. I said passed out. I flipped. She was sleeping in my room and I saw him walk in. His story was to "check on her". I call bullshit. Any guy that would do that is a piece of shit. So I made a scene and had him thrown out about 3 big cop friends of mine and he went running down the street. This guy even had the nerve to call me the following day apologizing and saying that it was a misunderstanding, he wasn't that type of guy. Funny part was my girlfriend said she partially remembers him going into the room and and thought what the hell but then heard me yelling and was like "it's ok, she has it covered" and went back to sleep. After all this I can't believe the guy would even speak to me. I did my best not to yell PERV! But was semi-cordial and did the shoulder move when he tried to hug me hello. This club/bar makes me not liking being single at all. Kinda looking forward to Beer Pong Guy coming back. And even The Ex a little, weird but having these non-relationships make it a lot less scary out there.

Day 104-105

Hating your job and having to wake up to it every morning is stressful. I know everyone feels this way at some point but this is just getting ridiculous. They cut our hours, take away our raises and don't seem to care that we have rent that needs to be paid. I am doing the paycheck to paycheck thing because there is no way to get ahead with this company. I have applied for hospital positions and think the interview went well so keeping my fingers crossed. I had coffee with the Angry Cop yesterday and he is still pretty much the same as I remember him, all looks no substance. In the evening went to see a movie at the Latino Film Festival with The Stalker, he was on his best behavior and we ended up having a great time. As long as he understands we are strictly friends at that is all we will ever be we have a great time. Tonight my girlfriends are getting together to go dancing. I haven't decided what I am doing yet but might stay in. I work late and work semi-early tomorrow. Hopefully today goes fast since I am working with this chauvinistic pig today. You can pick your friends but unfortunately not always your partners.

Day 103 of Singledom

It's so weird how the roaches come out of the woodwork. I took a coworker up on the idea of going to a Cubs game yesterday and for a buffer I brought one of my really good buddies who I have been friends with since I moved to this state. I had a feeling my coworker was a little disappointed to have another guy with so glad I did it because I am in no way interested in him. The game was great, we won thankfully or I might have had to beat up a Brewers fan on the way out, and I limited myself to two drinks while both guys proceeded to get smashed. Afterwords we went to Red Ivy which is an ok bar, met with some people and ate some food which the guys wanted no part in just more beer. By now both guys are drunk and I shove the coworker off in a cab and drove my buddies car back to his place which happens to be really close to mine so I was going to just walk home. In the car my buddy was texing his brother, now there is alot of history with his brother and I. We casually dated for 8months and I kinda blew him off for The Ex, to make the situation even stickier was that he was my landlord and lived in the same building as me so he knew the minute I was seeing someone else and would try causing issues between us. We will call him the Angry Cop. He was a really fun guy but that's about it. Someone you could party with and have a good time but not anything serious. Well, he shows up at my buddies as I am dropping him off and insists on giving me a lift home. My weakness is gorgeous men, they don't have to be all that smart but they can't be douchebags, just gorgeous and well meaning and I melt. He tells me he is recently single and was hoping maybe we could grab a coffee in morning. I told him no, I have to work maybe another day. Haven't decided if I really want to reopen that can of worms.

Day 102 of Singledom

Yesterday was the best. Easy calls, no foul smelling patients or nursing homes, got off work on time, an oddity in the EMS world. Halfway home The Ex wants to know if he can give me a ride, I tell him I am already walking but it he would like to pick me up that's fine. He made up some excuse about leaving his phone charger at my house, which I know he didn't, and wanted to check since he was leaving for fishing trip in couple hours. Amazingly enough it was not there and then he asked if I wanted to go for a bite to eat. We went to have appetizers and part way through he asked if I would miss him this week. The more I try to sit back and look from the outside in the more I realize how counterproductive our non-relationship is. When I get home I am talking to Beer Pong Guy about our plans for the evening and he is still packing for his trip and asked if he could just swing by for a quick coffee and then head out. I was ok with that since kinda worn out from seeing The Ex so we had coffee on my front porch and talked and when he gets back in town we will go for dinner. This is going to be a quiet week, I hope...

Day 100-101 of Singledom

Golfing is way more fun to do than to watch on TV. My buddy took me golfing by the lake and not only was it way harder than I thought but there were an unbelievable amount of eye candy. I couldn't believe how many good looking men played golf. I have to tell you, I am definitely not Tiger Woods but I will be hitting the range more often now that I see it's a buffet of gorgeous men. We commenced drinking and golfing till pretty late and hit a nearby bar and grill for some refuge. After realizing that we were both too tired to continue drinking I called it an early Sat and hit the hay. The Ex texed me around 1am to say goodnight but I managed to ignore it and continue sleeping.

Sunday was my lazy day, did things around the house in the morning and then went to Beer Pong Guys place. He's very clean and the place was pretty nice, kinda frat boy meets man. His roommates are awesome and we hung out and watched The Tudors. I have been dying to get up to date on last season and he rented it for us. I am starting to like him more and more. He is leaving out of town in a couple days but we are going to try doing dinner beforehand. When I got in it was around 8pm and The Ex was texing me asking if I wanted to do dinner. Told him I already ate and was jumping in shower, maybe another night. He reminded me that he was leaving on a fishing trip Tues and wanted to see me as much as he could before he went. When I asked why he didn't respond only to ask if he could bring a movie over and hang out. Finally I said sure and when he got to my house the first thing he asked me was if I had been on a date. The look he gave me and the nervous laugh didn't make me want to hurt his feelings like before just made me sad. So I said no. Why do we lie? We all do it at one point or another. Semi-Honest people do it to not harm the people we care about.

Day 99 of Singledom

Friday morning was all errands and cleaning, then preparing chili to be made in my crockpot. This crockpot thing is the greatest invention ever. I can't help myself but check it every hour if I am home but man does everything turn out so good and we usually have leftovers. Friday night turned into a shit show. My buddy came by around 3 and we went to The Pint to have a cocktail prior to our all you can drink festivity at 6. I should have known it was all downhill from there. At the next bar we had drink after drink after drink. I wasn't drinking beer so I was better pacing myself then most of them and I was the only one eating as well. Another good friend of mine brought out his ex. What is it with people and their exes? There are a million people in this world and we still dwell on the past. This girl isn't mean to him, she's pretty and sweet but she is a druggie, supposedly better now but when she kept disappearing for 20-30min and wasn't in the bathroom he was looking worried and pissed. But what can you say? Anyone from the outside can have an opinion but in the end it really isn't our business. We moved on to the second place to watch another one of my buddies bands play. Interesting. Not what I imagined but it was ok, the place was a dive and the sound was a little off but I like going to functions to support my friends when they need. I have officially become a groupie. The bassist is gorgeous and I met him the weekend prior and thought so too, I guess, we started talking and he was telling me how much he was looking forward to seeing me and I was like oh really? Did we talk before? haha Guessed from the look on his face he was the mystery guy that I made out with and ditched his number. Oops. He gave me a CD with his number written on the top. I might call him but he is a smoker and that is pretty much a deal breaker for me. But he is gorgeous so maybe... The Ex called a couple times but I didn't answer and then he texed asking me if I was out and just responded yes. My friend, who is not really a close friend just a girl I know from work asked if it was The Ex. Then she went on to say that I should just stop seeing him he doesn't deserve me and I should cold shoulder him till I am ready to be just friends and he will either beg for me back or move on himself. Funny thing is I think she is right. I don't want him back. I am having so much fun now but a little part of me isn't ready to fully let go. I wonder why, I wonder why we all do that. The end of the night ended up with everyone sloppy except for me, I had slowed down at the second bar and started drinking water. Creepsters were in full blast there and I was shocked when one of The Exes friends showed up at the bar and was trying to hit on my, very awkward so I just walked away. I think people try to do crap like that when they are drinking so they can pretend they have no morals and blame it on the booze. Ridiculous, I prefer to own up to all my immoral choices.

Day 98 of Singledom

Long long day at work. Did my 4miles early, extremely proud of myself, didn't stretch so bitched about it all day. Dispatchers ran us unto the ground with call after call after call. By the end of my shift I felt like a popsicle that was melting. No use to anyone and just a general mess. The Ex offered to pick me up which I immediately took him up on the offer. We came back to my place and watched Broken Embraces with Penelope Cruz, what a beautiful movie, so sad and ironic and meaningful. Maybe I was just full of wine and food but it was really pretty. I love Penelope, she is gorgeous, sexy and such a great actress, she seems truly happy whenever they catch her out on her own. Today I am going to hang out with a bunch of coworkers and hopefully Beer Pong Guy will show. Kinda got that little tingle of excitement to see someone and that hasn't happened in awhile so...needless to say it's exciting!

Day 97 of Singledom

I was a busy girl yesterday. Had the day off so started out by putting my new crock pot to use, supposed to be easy instead it was like a bomb went off in my kitchen, mixed with flour and carrots. The end result was so worth it, just know now to wear a full body apron when preparing food. The Ex came by with movies and takeout for our rainy day together. Wish we didn't get along as well as we do because when it comes to an end I am really going to miss him. We watched Brothers which was fantastic and pretty heartbreaking but in a good way. Then Couples Retreat. Umm kinda stale and some parts were funny but not laugh out loud, just a chuckle. He wanted to leave early but then last minute asked if I wanted him to hang out for dinner. No. I had plans and for the evening, wasn't trying to rub it in but also am not hiding anything. He asked if I was free tonight I said sure, we can watch another movie. After he left I cleaned up and then Beer Pong Guy came by and we watched the baseball game. I was a little worried that I was judging him to quickly so I felt like one more chance to see if I really could like him and surprise surprise, I did. He isn't a big drinker like I thought and barely reminds me of one of my exes like I thought before. Conversation was easy and he is really cute. I think I might be a bigger drinker than him and I definitely have a worse potty mouth but it didn't seem to bother him since he wants to go out for dinner Sat night so I am actually looking forward to it. Friday night I am hanging out with coworkers and invited him, kinda hoping he will show, I am a little more interested in him now that we got to hang out more on a one on one. This has the making of being a great weekend!

Day 94-96 of Singledom

I am the queen of avoidance. I know this and it is an art form I have mastered. When I don't want to discuss something I can maneuver the conversation. Now I only do this when it puts me in an awkward situation to hurt someone's feelings. I never mean to no matter how blunt I can be. I have been hanging out with one of my partners alot. He is super cool and funny as hell but I am not interested in him in any way. I have had this happen in the past with partners and know when they start thinking that since we are friends and have alot in common we should see if there is anything more to it. I like having guy friends but hate when it starts getting weird. My partners in the past have usually been men and The Ex always was right when he thought they had a little more feelings for me than usual. I would play it off like I didn't know but come on, you always know. Then I would distance myself from the person. Sucks because as much as I know I need to do this with him, we will call him Little Guy, I have a blast hanging out with him but need him to understand that I am not attracted what-so-ever. Friday night when we go out I will need to bring a makeout buddy so he hopefully will get the hint without the awkward conversation of "let's just be friends". Beer Pong Guy is always available and even though I am not sure I like as anything more than a drinking buddy I am going to invite him. I just wish guys could just be friends and not mess it up.

Day 93 of Singledom

Fridays was a perfect day so I took George to the dog beach and let him tire himself out. Funny enough he was more interested in sitting on random peoples laps then playing with the dogs. After I intended to take a much needed nap but started cleaning and messing around on computer until I realized it was time to start getting ready for my friends graduation party. This is the party that The Ex wanted to go together then changed his mind and at 8:30, 30minutes prior to party he calls me and wants to know if I was still going and if I found someone to take because he was thinking of showing up and could give me a ride. Asshole. Wait till the last minute so you can be nosy and see if I am bringing someone. Told him was going with friends and would appreciate it if he didn't show up but it's up to him just trying to go out and enjoy my night. Thankfully he said he wouldn't come. The rest of the night was a blur...as most nights with all your can drink we definitely took advantage. There were a couple cute prospects as well as a couple terrible ones. Married men seem to think they are irresistible, not sure why but I would rather date a girl than a married man. I met a guy in a band who was extremely attractive which means he is a he-ho. Then I got totally winged manned. If you don't know what this is it's were a person (girl in this case) finds a girl for her friend, befriends them, usually in the bathroom (normally it's "cute shoes, blah blah, meet my friend") and then ditches you with her guy friend. Well this guy happened to be adorable so it worked. Slight problem though, I got 3 different numbers that night and can't remember what his name was...How awkward a start to a convo would it be if I said "Excuse me, are you the cute guy with the female friend that introduced us? Oh, your not? Sorry wrong number." It's worth a try.

Day 92 of Singledom

Concerts are the best for me, like an aphrodisiac. They get the blood flowing and it's exciting to be in the same room as the band you youtube or download and rock out with. The two opening bands were terrible and had me checking my ears to make sure they weren't bleeding. The Ex and I went together and for the first hour everything went ok then another non-couple showed up. My girlfriend and her ex had broken up about 2months ago and they are not as friendly as The Ex and myself so it was funny and semi awkward. The Ex kept holding my hand or putting his arm around me, it was nice and I am not looking at it as anything more than a fun time but it's hard to keep pretending like we are together when we are not and everytime I try and keep my distance it's like some weird force that pushes us back together. Tonight I haven't decided if I am laying low or hitting a party. I know there will be alot of single guys at this party and part of me wants to go but the other part is just tired. We will see later what part wins!

Day 91 of Singledom

April fools. What a horrifically lovely day to screw with people you love. You either prank or lie to them yet it is ok on this one day, gotta love it. I am up so early trying to think of pranks to pull on everyone I will see during this 24hr period and even the ones I won't I can call and hopefully say something that will make me laugh all day. Last night I had a date with Beer Pong Guy. Actually we had one planned but he had been sick for last week and last minute he called and asked if we could reschedule, that he still wasn't feeling one hundred percent. Like clockwork the minute I hang up with him The Ex calls. I just don't get it. It's almost as if he has some sort of intuition. He was riding around on his motorcycle, which I love bikes, and wanted to know if I was free for a movie and dinner. Twist my arm. We went for Thai, one of my favorites and had a delicious bottle of wine, then over to blockbuster to rent Moon. If you haven't seen it, please go rent it, so great and underrated, I won't even spoil it and give away any parts just rent it. As we are walking in his house his mother come from his apartment. Always weird and awkward to see any of his family after the breakup. She asks him if he was drinking and riding his bike (he was) and of course he lies (he is young) then he gets snotty and says anything else you wanna know? He is making no attempt to hide that we are still hanging out but when his family gets slightly nosy he gets his feathers ruffled. Silly if you ask me but I won't say mum since most of my friends don't know that we are still doing this non-couple dance. Tonight is a Spoon concert and we are going together so I have all day to think of a prank that will shock and awe. Man I love April Fools.