Day 90 of Singledom

You ever have one of those days that you are so tired you could literally sleep all day. It's like your body is requiring massive amounts of sleep to rejuvenate you? That was yesterday. Unfortunately for me I had to work so my massive amounts of sleep came in little short bursts of catnaps in the rig before and after each call. Doesn't really help just makes you feel more groggy but once you start you can't stop. Well I am asleep when we get an emergency call for close to were we are holding and when we get there I jump out of the passenger seat only to realize that my feet are asleep. Too late. I go down and roll my ankle. Nice, here we come to save the day and OOPS, medic down. We did the call but got sent home after to rest it. Looks like I have a lemon on my ankle but I must push through it because finally we have gorgeous weather and I have 3days off to get myself into alot of shenanigans. I might be limping but trouble here I come!

Day 89 of Singledom

I think you should quit drinking. I think you should shut the fuck up. HA! Love it! My girlfriend and I went out to Fifty/50 last night and I have to say that place is awesome. I have tried to not like it because everyone that is there is so uptight but the food was outstanding, I had the spinach and asparagus salad with blackened shrimp and the peach summer drink special. So as we proceeded to drink 4 jumbo specials each, they came in awesome cups and everyone knows you need to have a set of 4, they had a shirt on the wall with the Quit Drinking saying and it was played out by stick figures. Laughed my ass off. My girlfriend insisted on buying us both one and now we will be twins next time we hit the town. Little things like that make life so much more fun.

Day 88 of Singledom

This will be the last baby shower I put together ever. I love planning events and getting people together but something about a baby shower is so horrible. After the Ooohs and Ahhhs over diapers some of us decided to go out for a drink. The first bar was one of my favorites Blind Robin. Usually I know the bartender and the people are pretty cool. Not last night. We sat in the upstairs part and the bartender came up to check our id's but when we asked for a drink he just walked away. Hmmm. Maybe we have a waitress? Nope. You have to order at the bar. That's fine but would it have hurt him to say so before we sat there for 10 minutes. Next bar please. On to Tumans, another favorite and I normally know the waitresses. Are we seeing a pattern here? Anyway we get there and the bartender was our waiter and came to the table, funny as hell and we had a great time. Our exchange started off like this; Bartender: So where you been all night? Me: At a baby shower. Bartender: Oh and now you need a drink right? Me: Yup. To celebrate not being pregnant. Bartender: You wanna work on that later?
As thrilling as that sounded I chose not to take him up on the offer.

Day 86-87 of Singledom

Perfect couple coming through! Here we go again pretending that everything is normal when it really isn't. This is getting weirder and weirder. Friday night was a close friends birthday party and The Ex and I decide to go together to the dinner. We went to Wildfire downtown and for the most part it was all couples. Walking in and seeing everyone I haven't seen for awhile was slightly awkward at first because The Ex insisted on holding hands as we came up to them. After the initial weirdness it became like it used to be. That also could have been the shots and drink we did at the bar waiting on our table, but regardless it went smooth from there. Somewhat. I was sitting next to the birthday girl and for the most part engaged in conversation with her but The Ex continued to rub my shoulder, hold my hand under the table or just little things that you do when you are a couple, I could tell the birthday girl was confused since she knows how things stand with us but everyone was just rolling with the punches. After a fabulous and expensive dinner we went to Rock Bottom Lounge for some after dinner drinks. Those turned out to be just as expensive and disappointingly enough when they remodeled the place they neglected to put a bathroom on the first floor. What the hell? Are they looking forward to cleaning up piss from someone who couldn't hold it all the way up 3 flights? I had to time it perfectly, oh wait, I might have to pee in about 5minutes so I should leave now. Brilliant idea folks, not only were they overpriced but they tested my bladder to the point of uncomfortability. Seems to be the theme of the night. Then the fun part came. We leave there and the only single guy decides to take us to Red Head Piano Bar. First of the bouncers looked more like mobsters and you MUST coat check. Secondly there is no piano, there is a guy with a keyboard. Thirdly there are hookers everywhere. They weren't hiding they were in plain sight and last but not least the drinks sucked. I ordered a vodka lemonade and I have no idea what the hell they gave me but after a couple sips I gave up and people watched. Old people and scummy men throughout. I felt so dirty just being in the place and can tell you there is no way I would ever step foot in that bar, brothel, whatever the hell you wanna call it again. The night ended shortly after that with no one finishing there drinks except for the one guy who brought us there. We cabbed it home and other than one snarky comment from The Ex about me liking black guys (not sure where it came from but chose to ignore it since he was drinking and I like to fight with sober people) we had a great night. Reminded me what it was like to be a character in a play. Your there but it's not really you and you might enjoy it but it doesn't last.

Day 85 of Singledom

I have always wondered if dreams are something you should pay attention to, like warnings of what's to come or just your desires and wants of things trapped in your head brought out in a morbid fashion. Last night, and don't worry I am not one of those people who goes on and on analyzing every single part of my dream, I had a terrible dream, something really bad and hurtful and I wonder if it's our subconscious warning us like Dick Tufeld, "Danger Will Robinson, Danger!" Prior to my dream I had a pretty productive day, work as usual but then I decided to walk the 4miles home from work and see how long it would take me, pretty decent out so I figured it was worth a try. I sit on the CTA for an hour why not get some exercise instead. Only took me 10min more and was free. During my walk home an amazingly intellectual man leans out the window and yells "Yo! CUTIE! You wana eat my pickle?" Of course the only logical reply would have been, Only if it's kosher. But alas the car had already passed. He might have been the one. Darn. Later in the evening I decide to meet the Tattoo Guy out for a cocktail at a place down the street. He is so gorgeous and sweet it's hard not to like him and just try watching for the warning signs that are so glaringly blinking red. What to do. I have no clue but am enjoying the view for now.

Day 84 of Singledom

After forcing my dog’s little legs to the point of exhaustion last night on a 2 mile run I took a much needed shower and stupidly forgot to stretch. I am sure I will pay for it today. The Ex came by and we watched New York, I Love You and dined on Mexican with a great bottle of Madrid Sangria. The movie was really strange, no point and many different stories that felt rushed and unfinished. It’s funny though how The Ex had asked earlier if he could come by, I said yes and then Tattoo Guy calls and wants to know if we can do dinner again. I like him, really do but not sure if he is ready to date someone seriously or if he is just one of those guys that pops up occasionally. I guess I should figure out what I am looking for first before expecting someone else to tell me what they want but I just told him it was late and I need to get some sleep. Maybe another time. If he is persistent then I will definitely try another dinner with him, just too make sure his issues aren’t too much baggage for me to carry. Cause hey, everyone has some, definitely me included.

Day 83 of Singledom

Very relaxed evening yesterday, got out of work on time for once. The Ex let me use his car to get home and drive myself to work in the morning since he was working at 24hr shift. Guess we have a truce going for the time being. Took George for a run, he is too funny when he sees other dogs, he MUST play with them. He is the best dog in the world if I haven't already told you. Gearing up for another busy weekend so don't plan on doing anything to exciting this week, catch a Hawks game and try catching up on sleep. Beer Pong Guy called and wants to know if I will be free for dinner Thursday but I told him I would let him know. Hate that I am so unsure about dates but just not as into it as I was in beginning. Maybe I am starting to just enjoy my time alone or with friends more. Maybe The Ex is still confusing things. Maybe I will just have to wait it out and see.

Day 82 of Singledom

This whole weekend was so busy, parents, parties and dress shopping with girlfriends. It always amazes me how a dress shop can charge a ridiculous amount for a little black dress that looks the same as any other LBD you find in a department store. But once you slap that name brand tag on it is suddenly "chic" and "must have" that people are willing to shell out 3 times what it's worth. I look at things in order of how long I have to work to buy things. Example; said dress costs 200 dollars. That is almost 24hrs of work, or a TV is 1600 dollars, that makes me want to keep my sad little TV and hit up a department store for a half day of work dress. But, there is one exception, that would be shoes. Those will easily be bought without thinking of the work angle, shoes make me smile and make the whole world seem brighter in a lil box.
Yesterday after dress shopping another friend of mine came by to "shop" in my closet. I have alot of clothes and need to thin out my closet so I have a mini shopping spree for my friends when it's time to get rid of the old. Select few get the pre-sale. We opened a bottle of wine and began the thinning. Afterwards we went to a favorite pizza spot, Piece, and devoured a medium chicken, garlic and mushroom pizza. During the walk home The Ex calls and wants to know if he can come over and watch a movie. Of course I am planning on sticking to my resolve of purging him from my life like I did the clothes earlier so I say no. Good girl right? Wrong, he was passing by us as we were walking and had movies and snacks and looked so sad and dejected and texted me again saying he really wants to see me that I caved. Ugh. I am a caver. Backbone is gone with this kid for some reason but everyday is a new day and I am not thinking about tomorrow. Not yet anyway.

Day 81 of Singledom

Holy Blackout. I am assuming I had a great time last night. Drank alot of car bombs, drowned my pissed off attitude towards The Ex in Jameson. So I ended up bringing some Arm Candy, cute, young, great body but not much going on upstairs which is fine because he required no conversation. When we get there the look on people's face was worth it. They were shocked that not only did I not bring The Ex but I brought a hotter taller version of him. Petty on my part to want to do that? Yes. But I am ok with that. The fact that The Ex called me at 2:30 and then again at 3:30, ya know, just to make sure I made it home ok was kinda funny too. Now I will have to see if I can locate my purse!

Day 80 of Singledom

Bullshit. I hate bullshit. I wish people could just be honest and say what they mean and mean what they say. Tiptoeing around shit never got anyone anywhere. The tactful way to hurt someone's feelings? There isn't one. Just fucking do it. I made the mistake of talking to The Ex and offering a compromise. We have 2 mutual friends parties coming up, I was inviting to both, he was invited to only one. In order to keep the peace we will go to them together, not as a couple, as the non-couple bullshit I wanted to avoid. My mistake. Tonight is the first party and The Ex wants me to wait until he is done playing PRACTICE hockey at 11:30, not even a real game, so we can go together. No. Why would you say you wanted to go in the first place when you planned on being so late that there is no point in even showing up. Then you are so selfish that you refuse to not go to practice because you need to workout since you drank too much the night before. Get over yourself. I will bring someone else and you figure your own shit out for the next party because I am not going with you. All the crap that I have dealt with in the last couple of months is starting to make me more and more pissed. I can't deal with other people's bullshit and still manage mine. I have found another date to bring to my friends party and don't feel bad one bit. Hope The Exes stick get rammed up his ass tonight. Yup. That is how I really feel.

Day 76-79 of Singledom

St Paddy's Day week is always a blur, you rush through work to get to the festivities. We planned an all day drinking fest on Wednesday. There was about 6 of us and the Beer Pong Guy showed up after a couple work meetings. Not sure why but suddenly I do not like him anymore. He's cute and funny but I just don't, maybe it was his suit or the way he drank his whiskey but I just wasn't feeling it. Oh well. The day started at 10am and by 3pm people were dropping like flies, by 6pm it was only me and one other guy. By 1am I was cabbing it home thinking this has to be the longest day ever. I am pretty sure I drank myself sober. Knowing I had an errand to run in the morning was daunting but extremely happy when I turned out not be hungover just really tired. Yesterday I talked to The Ex for a lil bit and he wanted to know if I was ready to be friends yet. Not even a week later. I don't think I can still feel hurt and confused and need a break to get away from the situation of our non-coupleness. It's hard because I know we both find ourselves texting or calling a couple times a day to share something stupid. Hoping that by keeping busy I won't want to but seems to make me want to even more cause then I have alot more to share. Never ending cycles are so hard to break.

Day 74 & 75 of Singledom

You know when you have to do something but you just don't want to and continue to put it off and pretend like it will get better but you know it won't? That was my non-relationship with The Ex. I knew it had to come to an end but it's so hard to actually do it. We went for a run after work and I just got irritated with him, not even sure why but I did and I let loose, called him immature and told him he was selfish and I don't have time to deal with this back and forth non-relationship bullshit and questions of what I did and what he did and I think it's best we don't be friends. It was hard and although I am sad and not the least bit happy losing a really good friend I think in the long run it is for the best. Neither of us can move on if the other person is still lurking in the background. I wish I had a crystal ball to tell me the future cause at the moment the present is sucking pretty badly.

Day 73 of Singledom

Isn't it funny when a certain group of people have a bad reputation? Don't you wonder where it comes from? Let's say firemen for instance. Now they are known as womanizer, egotistical meat heads who chest pump to their favorite song when in a group. And that is actually pretty true. I went day drinking Saturday. One of my friends that came along is a fireman, all of his friends are of course firemen and even tho they all come in different shapes and sizes they are to a tee what I just described. You can just sit back and watch the show when they are around. The girls flock to them and the smart ones run when the obnoxiousness comes out, the semi-retarded ones stay and try to catch their eye and maybe get laid in the bathroom. We hit a bar where one of my buddies works and all drinks are $2 for me, so after about 4 of those I went outside and hailed a cab leaving everyone to continue their debauchery. I got around 20 calls from friends asking where I was and if I left which thankfully I did because 2 people ended up in the drunk tank and one of the girls we were with woke up with a broken finger in the morning. I love day drinking. Some people just don't realize it's for during the day only, by evening the sloppiness commences and if your smart you should already be home.

Day 72 of Singledom

My first day off in a long time and I go thrift store shopping, one of my favorite things to do with my mother or my friends. Since my mother is far I took one of my pregnant friends and we had a blast, cheap clothes might be used to someone else but new to you always lightens the spirit. We had lunch at Piece, along with some delicious pink lemonade vodkas and then I went home prepared to do battle with the house and have it sparkling and ready for my breakfast with friends in the morning. But once I got there and started putting away clothes 2 hours were gone before I knew it. The Ex called and wanted to go to a movie later and I didn't feel like going out and partying so we went to see She's Out of His League. Cute, some pretty funny moments that I will be randomly quoting but lil slow at the end. We stopped and grabbed and appetizer and a drink down the street and got to talking about my dating situations. I have told him I was dating but he seems to be under the impression that it was just one guy and wanted to know just how serious I was with this one person. I told him there's more than one guy, i am keeping my options open. For some reason I think that was worse to him and he was silent for the rest of the evening. Life is so funny, half the time you can't please yourself and the other half you can't please anyone. I guess just learning to be selfish is the key. Me, me, me, me, me.

Day 71 of Singledom

Tattoo Guy is out of the running. Gorgeous check, great body check, issues CHECK. I do not do well with issues. We had a nice dinner and during it he kinda told me every flaw he has with women, family and religion. I don't mind people with flaws but maybe you shouldn't put it all out there in beginning. He isn't ready for a relationship I think he is still trying to find himself which is great but I think he fits into the friend category more. sigh.

Day 69 & 70 of Singledom

Two boring days. Saw The Ex for a little while on Tuesday. Talked to Tattoo Guy all day, all evening, hoping we have as good as a connection in person as we do on the phone. Guess I will see, hopefully tonight. Wednesday was the same nothing to exciting just busy getting in trouble at work for the most ridiculous things because I happen to work with a bunch of high schoolers and the company is ran by the Junior High class. I love my job, hate the company. Just hoping everything will fall in place.

Day 68 of Singledom

Had a pretty monotonous day at work. Talked to Tattoo Guy all day. Found out he is a little jaded when it comes to relationships because he had his heart broken before, but then again haven't we all. Oh well, not rushing anything, we are going to try getting together, again this week. Fingers crossed! I decided to go to a movie with The Ex and we saw Alice In Wonderland in 3D, which was great! I love the graphics and costume, highly entertaining. I won't give anything away except to say that it was darker than I even expected but totally worth 30bucks! Afterwards we went to the Green Eye, a little corner bar we had always wanted to go to and had a couple cocktails there. The bartender commented on how cute of a couple we were, awkward. He talked about all this stuff he wants to buy and trips he wants to take almost making me feel like he is showing me how grown he is now and how great his life is now, made me a little sad because I am not part of this new him but I know it's for the better, he is going to be a great man when he grows up, just not my man.

Day 67 of Singledom

Ever wonder how someone just knows something? That gut feeling that you get when something is just not right, lil off kilter. Well, I had a date with Tattoo Guy at 9:30 and had been texting The Ex in the morning, stupid stuff, basically pointless bullshit and suddenly nothing, he stops texting and so I put it out of my mind and start getting ready for my date. At 9:15 my doorbell rings...hmmm who could that be? Not my date, just spoke to him and he was running a little late. I check and guess? Yup. The Ex. Little worse for wear, had a couple cocktails, lost his phone and wanted to see me. (Sound familiar?) I promptly canceled my date, didn't want The Ex driving home and let him stay over. Date night ruined. Now I get the feeling somehow he just knew that I was going somewhere that night and was purposely sabotaging my night. Whatever the case may be I do still care for him and wouldn't just leave him outside or send him home. Tattoo Guy will have to wait...again.

Day 65 & 66 of Singledom

OK, is there a set time that the date from the night before should leave in the morning? Because I think that there should be an unwritten rule that once the light hits the room the guy should hit the street. Friday night I had no expectations. I went to my date with Beer Pong Guy thinking of Tattoo Guy and work the next morning so didn't have high hopes. Interestingly enough we had alot in common and he was extremely funny. Fast forward to my shift getting covered and doing a shot to celebrate, fast forward to 3 bars later and I am a rockstar puking in the cab ride home. Then light. Morning comes and Beer Pong Guy is still there and still pretty damn cute. Can't remember if I really liked him or if the alcohol made me think he was funny as hell. He kinda reminds me of a cop I dated before. All fun no substance. My girlfriend thinks I need to go out with him a couple more times before I write him off since I had a blast it's worth a try, I think she might be right. And if not I will have a great time during his tryout.

Couldn't move for the whole day Saturday, needed an IV but was to lazy to even call a coworker to get one so slept it off. Tonight I am going to see Tattoo Guy and hopefully there is more there than his unbelievably great looks and body. Not sure what I am looking for, but hoping I will know it when I see it. Sometimes I think I am right back to square one when I first started writing this blog, other times I think I am a little bit more jaded than in the beginning because seeing bits of your life reduced to words makes me all the more critical of it. Loneliness is not fun, so I keep busy by getting into trouble, that is way more fun exciting. For now at least.

Day 64 of Singledom

Have you ever went on the best date ever? That usually never happens to me. I normally collect the rejects and losers like they are baseball cards but have been so lucky so far I am scared to say it out loud and jinx myself. I don’t care though, I am on cloud 9. I had the greatest first date ever. We will call him Tattoo Guy. I met him a couple years back at a fashion show and somehow we reconnected and over the last couple days have been texting back and forth and finally he asked me out. Now, two things about Tattoo Guy that could be problematic, 1 is he is only 24. I am not going to say how old I am but lets just say I am NOT 24. Normally I don’t mind the age gap but after being burned from The Ex and knowing what it’s like to fall for someone who doesn’t have their head on right makes me leery. Second issue is that he is semi-friends with The Ex. He went to Jr. High with him and played baseball with him. Long time ago yes but I honestly do want to keep being friends with The Ex and hoping this won’t be an issue, they never hang out or talk now so... So Tattoo Guy is tall, dark and handsome. He is absolutely beautiful and kinda nerdy so not really comfortable with how hot he is which makes him even more endearing. Back to the greatest date ever, he was sweet, funny and listened but also held his own during the conversation. Everything I like in a man and the fact that he is 24 and running a business means that he does have some maturity. I am definitely seeing him again and can’t wait. I feel like I'm 15 with my first crush, silly but I will enjoy this feeling. He asked me out for tonight but alas, I have plans with Beer Pong Guy. I had such a good time that I almost want to cancel plans with Beer Pong Guy but I won’t. Trying to keep my options open and be open-minded and not get to involved in anyone seriously until I am ready. The Ex is a whole other story. I feel like he is trying to insinuate that we should get back together but his pride won’t let him tell me what he is really thinking or feeling. I am not going to worry too much about it though, I don’t have time with my suddenly busy date life!

Day 63 of Singledom

I love hockey. Love men that play hockey and men that watch hockey. I can't wait to find someone who loves hockey as much as me and we can relax on the couch, have some drinks and enjoy the game. Until then I have my friends. We went to a place called Danny's and sipped on three dollar drinks, bought tamales from the tamale guy and watched the game. It was a great night.

After spending all day texting The Ex back and forth about if I was going on a date, if I have a boyfriend, if I meet someone I want to be serious with, that I need to let him know. My response is that I don't think I do since we are not together and we don't want to be together and what difference would it make if I am with someone else? He wants to remain friends then me being single shouldn't be a qualification since he says that he doesn't want to be in a relationship but in a way is trying to keep me out of one. Strange so strange what people do and say. I wish everyone would just say what they mean and mean what they say.

I have decided to go out with the guy from the Beer Olympics, we shall dub him Beer Pong Guy. He is funny and good looking and I am going to have a great time, unless there is something seriously wrong with him which in that case I have set up another date with an unbelievably gorgeous man who looks like the guy off Will & Grace, but not gay. My partner yesterday said something funny and I think I will try it out, said "You gotta get your ducks in order. That way you never eat alone."

Day 62 of Singledom

Love Tuesdays. My partner manages to make me laugh the whole day and we are probably the two worst employees this company could stick together because we are so damn lazy. We are both jaded and want to do as little work as possible on Tuesdays. It's always a great day and usually ends in one or both of us having to write an incident report. Hence the eye-bulging cop from prior stories. This time though we didn't even see him. We were parked in the same area and waiting for him to come up ticket in hand but no, nothing. Slightly disappointed we drove past his crosswalk post and there he was. He gave us a dirty look and stared straight ahead. Could it be that the system does work? When you file a complaint does something actually get done? Or was he running late and didn't have time to get to his post to monitor the kiddies so next week a ticket will be waiting? Whatever the reasoning was we both were a little bit saddened by less excitement than we hoped.

I met a guy at the Beer Olympics couple weeks back and through friends relayed that he would be interested in going out for drinks, if I was free. Not sure how he picked up on it since The Ex and I were pretending to still be together but I thought what the hell? They don't know each other, it's a friend of a friend that The Ex doesn't hang out with so what's the harm? My girlfriend says NO I must tell The Ex so he doesn't find out from someone else, my guy friend says no big deal, go and have fun. This guy is pretty attractive and from the beginning of the Beer Olympics him and The Ex did not get along, maybe the testosterone, they were both very competitive. The Ex knows I have been out on dates but not sure if this one qualifies for to close to home...what do you guys think?

Day 61 of Singledom

After trying to sleep most of the morning and not being able to I took George for a long walk and contemplated cleaning. Once I realized I had no desire to clean I watched Frank the Entertainer for an hour (gotta love that fake reality tv) and started to get ready for a gallery opening that evening.

The show was phenomenal and the artwork was great. I have always wished I had some sort of talent that transformed itself on paper the way these artists do. Somehow all artistic talent bypassed me. I can only express myself in the form of writing. After the show I went out to Cafe Bolero with some friends, the atmosphere is romantic but the loud and boisterous Puerto Rican owner/waiter threw us all off a bit. He did not fit into his theme with his obnoxious white see through shirt and tight jeans. All in all though it was a good dinner, tapas is more than enough for one person and although I felt the sangria was way to strong I would definitely go again. Evening rolls around and tex The Ex that I am home and finally have my phone. He said he was just staying in for the night but wanted to give me a ride to work in morning. I like that we can still talk no matter what I hope that we can keep the communication going. Time will tell I guess.

Day 60 of Singledom

Normally when you drink you worry about driving and texting the exes and silly things like that. Not me. When I drink I like to walk. Nowhere special and to no place in particular, just walk. So yesterday I went to Durkin's and we drank, played card games and I don't remember very much of the rest of the night. Maybe there was pizza involved at some point. The only reason I think this is because I have heartburn.

Two of my coworkers came out for the hockey game, that was a big disappointment, and The Exes sister was there since we have some of the same friends. It was great hanging out with her, still consider her one of my good friends even after what happened with her brother. The rest of the evening was a blur. Not remembering everything is not all that fun and waiting for people to fill you in is torture. Not to mention I left my phone in someone's car and now have to wait for them to bring it to me later.

Back to the walking while drunk, somehow I convinced myself I left my phone on the train and needed to go and retrieve it. Not sure what train I was thinking of since I walked in the wrong direction and ended up by a CVS were a couple was smoking outside and used there phone to dial the only number I did know, which unfortunately happens to be The Ex. Thankfully he didn't answer and I commenced walking this time back home. Suddenly The Ex pulls up, he called the number back and they said I just used there phone and told him which direction I was walking. Oh the best part of this story is that this all occurred around 8pm. Moral of the story is not to stop drinking so heavily but to take your shoes off immediately when you walk in door so you don't try to drunkenly walk anywhere. Yup.