Day 31 of Singledom

Can't believe it's been 31days already. Wow, you know how you first breakup with someone and that first week is brutal. You can't imagine sleeping alone your heart hurts and you get all choked up thinking about them and wondering if they are thinking of you? It doesn't go away in 31 days. Ha. Bet you thought I was going to say it would but it doesn't. It's still hard but now it's a different kind of hard.

Still have to decide if I want to see The Engineer tonight. Going to call him and let him know if I am free. My friends all say what the hell, your not marrying the guy so just go out and enjoy, maybe they are right. Maybe I am putting to much thought into something that is simple. I mean shit, I can make out with a hot guy and not think twice about it but when it comes to actually "dating" someone more than once I get all nervous and wanna run for the closest exit. What do you think? Am I over thinking and just trying to hard to protect this new found independence I have?

I saw The Ex after his hockey game, stressful but I told him about my thoughts on us and how his words have affected the way that I feel about him. I will be his friend but never anything more. I thought we were all on same page till this morning when we started the subject of Valentines Day and he asked what I was doing and I said going out of town. His face was like wow. He said you already have plans, tickets? I said yeah. He told me that "It hurt". I'm shocked. I honestly can't imagine being with someone else on that day and trying to pretend like I'm not thinking of him so I need to be with friends. I thought he would be feeling the same way or even not caring about it. I don't want to hurt him but secretly felt a lil good about it. Does that make me a bad person? I don't know.