Yesterday was easy. Good friends, food and movies. Got me wondering though. What will happen when they no longer come by to "comfort" me or when there lives get busy and the single friend they have is just that. Single.
I have always been independent and look forward to challenging new things but maybe 11 days isn't enough time to declare myself "fixed". I don't think I am, just human and maybe a little more retrospective as I get older. I do know that I do not want to be alone, just want to be with the right person. But how do you know your with the right one? At one point in time didn't we all think that? Maybe some were right but a majority was not.
I'm trying hard not to fall into the trap of the lonely. You know, were anyone, past exes or male friends who have showed interest in you previously suddenly start looking better. I have quite a few of those in my life but have to remember they are exes for a reason and friends because they wouldn't make good boyfriends. Boyfriend. What a childish word, I always felt like I was 14 saying it. Know I am not ready for another one of those.
Today will be a hard day, time to get the rest of my exes stuff together and unfortunately head to work after. I guess cleaning out your house of their stuff is kinda like cleaning out some of your heart. You know what it is and where it's gone but you won't ever get it back.
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While you are right, you won't get THAT back, you have to believe you will get something better. Each experience is a lesson. If you learn something it was all worth it. If you learn nothing you may actually repeat the lesson . Never give up. I always disliked the word boyfriend even in my twenties, lol. Nice to know I wasn't being weird. Don't be so hard on yourself or the exes. Lessons are still possible. You may grow from hearing what some of them felt and went through with you. This is probably only possible for you to hear when you're heart and mind are ready to accept the reality of our personal faults coupled by the reality of our future goals. To be hard on ourselves makes us harder on other as well so be careful. Life is a huge lesson for the rest of our lives......learning to live and not get stuck (so often ) is truly an art. One that believe it or not CAN be mastered. (mastering doesn't mean perfect, only perfect means perfect and there isn't anyone like that), just breath!
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