Day 12 of Singledom

To be honest or not to be. Well, I'm writing to get out all the shit in my head so I guess honesty is the best policy. Like a cleansing of sorts. Seeing my ex as much as I see him is probably not the best idea. We hung out, had lunch, had great breakup sex and then....nothing. We (I am assuming it's mutual) don't have a desire to start off where things ended so what does that leave? Awkwardness, uncertainty, still nothing solid, nothing worked out or solved. I am ok with that, actually I am really fine with it, more so than I thought. I didn't ask him how he felt but from previous experience I know that he wouldn't tell me unless I pulled it out of him but I have no desire to do that either. I am usually the introverted one in the relationship so maybe I need someone who is more motivated and DO DO DO because if you don't tell me what you want or need there is a 99% chance you won't get it from me. I do not have esp and do not wish to be someone's mother. So please don't wait for me to wipe your ass because you will be sitting on the toilet for a long time. I try to treat people how I want to be treated and if that's not good enough then you know what, fuck off.

Since we have broken up we have continuously talked and texed and seen each other.... most likely not a good idea but i am going to play this one close to the vest, whatever that saying really means I am not sure but I like the sound of it for this situation. I'm banking on it backfiring but hey then it will be something I can live, learn and hopefully laugh at later. It's funny how sometimes your blindsided in relationships and never knew what was coming till it hits you in the face but once you take a step back and look at it thru different eyes you start to see cracks and flaws. Honestly speaking I want something different, something new to start off this new year. I am holding out for that butterfly in the pit of your stomach, true love feeling. Why shouldn't I have that? I am so worth it. Honestly.